ANNA “The blessed water”

ANNA “The blessed water” by Ida RENZICCHI  (Written and translated from Italian by the author)

Illustrations by Luigi FONDI   click here  

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Voce narrante Giuliana Poleggi Quaranta 

“Bless me Father for I have sinned.” The priest, in the shadows, hidden by the thick grate, had listened in silence to her sins. After a very brief exhortation not to fall into temptation anymore, he had given her absolution and imposed the light penance that she had immediately prepared to pay by reciting her few prayers on her knees in the last pew of the deserted church.

“…I promise never to offend you again… and to avoid opportunities…”. It was this the “conditio sine qua non” for receiving God’s forgiveness and she had promised.

She felt lighter as she walked home.

Autumn had begun and, thanks to the cloudy day, even though it was only half past four, it was already starting to get dark. To the long, tiring hours of summer daylight, she preferred the winter timetable… she liked to stay  at home, come early in the evening, watch a quiz program on television, listen to the news during dinner, wash the dishes and clear up the kitchen as quickly as possible to go to bed early and enjoy, finally lying down, watching some film of which she almost never managed to see the end because she often ended up falling asleep before its conclusion, only to be woken up at a certain time of the night by the advertising. “The bed is a rose, who doesn’t sleep rests”, her mother-in-law had once told her and she, lying down and covered by that thin sheet of fabric, felt almost protected as if the sheets could avoid her the contact with the threat of, she didn’t even know what danger. A simple life for her, dedicated to her family and punctuated by daily tasks… work and home.

The kitten had come alongside her as she walked through the path that crossed the large tree-lined park. “Mao, mao…” trying to rub against her legs, it had almost made her trip. It was a beautiful black kitten with a white paw. In the family, they had always had one. She and her brothers had never brought it home because their mother had strictly forbidden it but they fed it in the quiet and safe alley, so narrow that it was impossible for cars to drive through.

Even Anna, like her mother, although she loved and respected animals, for hygiene reasons, did not like keeping them at home. On the other hand, she lived in an apartment and she didn’t think it was right to sacrifice a little animal within the four walls of a house. She knew that a family residing in her building had one that she had never seen, not even on the balconies, before one winter evening when, the parents absent, their daughter had negligently left the door open and the little animal had escaped without being seen and, once the door had been closed, remained outside the house. It was the cat’s constant moaning that pushed Anna to look out onto the landing to discover it, in front of her tenant’s door. Only repeated and insistent ringing of the doorbell did the girl, perhaps asleep, finally decide to open the door and welcome it into the house. Then, later, when it fell ill, its mistress, tired of keeping it, set it free. She had basically let it die outside the house where it had always lived. Only before dying, the poor cat had been able to enjoy the freedom that had been denied it all its life by those insensitive people.

Once she arrived, Anna tried to prevent the little animal from entering the door by gently pushing it away with her foot. She managed it with difficulty in the hope that it wouldn’t sneak between the legs of some other tenant of the building, who hadn’t returned yet. It would have been unpleasant, the next morning, to find the stairs dirty since the main door was locked and a cat wouldn’t certainly be able to get out if necessary.

Luigi Fondi, Rifare il verso a Ingres (anno 1990)

The following morning, when she went to the supermarket for the daily shopping, she heard the news: Mariangela had died. They were not related and she had only spoken to her two or three times. The last one, she remembered very well because it had been the woman who accompanied her back home: it was raining cats and dogs and Anna had gone out on foot and without an umbrella. In fact, she didn’t live far from the supermarket where they both went shopping but it was pouring, it was closing time, and there was no one from her family she could have turned to to come and pick her up. Kindly, Mariangela, had spontaneously offered to do her that small courtesy which didn’t cost her anything since it was on her way.

Everyone in the village knew each other: the death of a young person affected the entire community and the deceased was only fifty-three years old.

Mariangela did not have a good reputation, in general, she was considered an unserious woman. Many extramarital affairs were attributed to her, some true because she herself had somehow disclosed the news, others, who knows… There was certainly something wrong with her marital relationship. In the village there was open talk of mutual infidelities. Years before, no one would have been able to make the slightest inference about the woman, until, after a sensational story of adultery by her husband, she had, out of the blue, completely changed her way of behaving. Mariangela had not separated, as everyone would have expected her to do, but she had no longer been the good housewife dedicated body and soul to home and family. She felt free to do, and did, whatever she wanted, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, people’s negative judgments were not focused on the traitor who had triggered this reaction but, as always happens, they targeted only and exclusively the woman’s behavior. She, at least apparently, didn’t care, she said she had no one to give account to and she pretended not to notice that she had created a void around herself, even if in reality she was suffering from it, of course! Her husband had been dead for four years and she, still young, seemed to fully enjoy her “widowhood”. She spent the whole summer at the seaside. Precisely the same year as her spouse’s death, she had bought a small apartment, ground floor with garden, facing the beach and now, every year, she spent a whole four months there, practically from the end of May until late Autumn when she returned, at the first rains, in the beautiful villa she owned in the village. Rumors were circulating about a large sum that the widow seemed to have inherited upon her husband’s death. To those who, regardless of appearing indiscreet, had asked her something, she had sharply replied to have made a good investment…

Even when, with the inexorable arrival of the menopause, her beauty had slowly begun to fade, she had not lost the freshness and liveliness of her gaze and, despite her age, she had always remained a beautiful woman. Thick long hair, busty breasts, slender legs, a nice butt. But for a few months, after an illness, she had changed, she was not the same. Despite her efforts to appear young and attractive she had lost that verve and that shine prerogative of health and youth. Needlessly she continued to wear short dresses and low-cut and high heels unsuitable both to her age and, above all, to her condition. Now no man looked at her with eyes full of desire but only pity. When she was younger she had many friendships that then they were like vanished in time… parties, dances, dinners… all gone. Now, in the village, she only went out in the car and only the strictly necessary.

She had been found, in the tavern of her villa, slumped on the sofa, in front of the television still on, when her daughter, like every morning, had come down for breakfast. Everything suggested a natural death. Heart attack? Ictus? These were the two hypotheses circulating among the locals.

The next day, at the funeral, as always when it was a young person or someone important, there was the whole country. Anna immediately noticed the black kitten. She recognized it from its white paw. At the arrival of the coffin, it also showed up. It had waited for the funeral attendants to open the bonnet, after which it had begun to mew by turning around the car and standing head up in front of the bier until the priest arrived who had recited the ritual blessing. Then the attendants loaded the coffin on their shoulders and everyone entered the church for the religious ceremony. Who knows, maybe the dead was the owner of the kitten… or, perhaps more simply, she had fed it sometimes. It did not look like a domestic cat, it had something wild and a strange almost human look, sometimes meek, others malignant… Who knows why she thought of “The Black Cat”, a story by Edgar Allan Poe read many years before… Pluto… That was the name that the writer had given to the disturbing protagonist of his story. A cold shiver ran her back…

At the exit from the church the cat was there again. It waited for the procession to take the road to the cemetery for the extreme rite of burial and then vanish into thin air as it came.

Anna would not go to the cemetery, she had many things to do. Crossing the square she headed home. On the way she thought of the dead woman, her husband, her daughter, the beautiful house empty of her presence. She remembered judging her as a lonely woman. When Mariangela had driven her home, they had stopped for a few minutes to talk under the building, inside the closed car, waiting for the intensity of the rain to decrease a little. They had exchanged a few words of circumstance, apart from the usual ritual question among women with children. “How are your children?”

Then, when she had decided to get out, Mariangela had suddenly told her: “Sometimes we could even call each other, see each other… I think you come out so little too… I always see you in a hurry… I would really like…” “Of course! And why not? It would please me too!” She had answered her, but then, after thanking her, soaking wet, she ran away in the pouring rain without giving her the number of her cell phone or landline. Had it been because those few moments were enough she to get soaked from head to toe, or more likely because she did not want to make friends with that woman?

Luigi Fondi, Rifare il verso a Ingres (dettaglio)

About a week after Mariangela’s death, Anna went to the cemetery. Passing by, she stopped at the tomb of the missing woman. It was late in the afternoon. There was the daughter of the deceased who, with care, was eliminating grave lights off and bouquets of withered flowers from which peeped out the beautiful photo of her smiling mother with her long hair down. The girl turned to greet her then resumed rinsing the empty vessels with the water of a tank. A terrible stench of putrid saturated the stagnant air. “In summer, because of the heat, the flowers rot immediately and the water stinks!” “… The smell of death…” the girl answered without looking back. “If you approaches the loculus you smell it…” she continued bending over. “Well, now that you’ve emptied and washed all the vases, it will fade away.” “You can feel it, you can smell it… it’s the smell of death coming out of the grave…” Anna did not reply, she had recognized it immediately, approaching the burial, that terrible stench that sometimes, especially in summer, she could smell coming from the graves of the dead just buried because of who knows, some small crack in the coffin… She could not have defined the nauseating smell of rotting corpses in any other way than what the girl who had left her speechless had called it: ‘stench of death’”. It was almost dusk and she did not want to stay longer in the cemetery, so she greeted her and headed for the exit.

The black kitten approached her just as she was walking through the gate. “Mao, mao…” “Hey Pluto, what are you doing here?” Anna spoke to it as if it were a Christian, instinctively calling it by the strange name of the cat in the famous book. “Can’t it be that you go under some car? See how fast they drive?” As if it had understood, the little beast, with a small leap, climbed on the narrow sidewalk and walked alongside it, keeping exactly the rhythm of her pace until Anna arrived under her house where, out of nowhere, as it had come, it disappeared in the darkness of the evening.

One afternoon the phone rang. “Hello? Anna? This is Mariangela’s daughter.” “Good evening, my dear, how are you?” “Well, thank you and you? I would like to meet you…” “Of course, if it pleases you!” “I have something to give you…” “To give me? And what?” “Oh… nothing important… then can we see each other?” “Sure, whenever you want…” They arranged for the next day. Anna was amazed at the call she received and really curious: what on earth did the girl have to give her? And why didn’t she tell her when they met at the cemetery?

It was raining, but they still met standing in front of a bench in the village park. The girl after the hasty pleasantries, placed on the wet bench the backpack that she kept behind her shoulders and pulled out a package. “I found it in Mom’s purse. Your name was on the outer paper bag, so I think it was for you… I think she prepared it for you.” “What is it?” “Well, it looks like a small bottle of water to me. Maybe holy water. When my mother went on a pilgrimage to some shrine she always came back with a memory: a small holy picture, a statuette, some blessed water that she then distributed to friends and relatives. There is also a closed envelope with a note but I didn’t open it. If my mother addressed it to you, it’s right that you read it.” “Thank you. Your mother was a nice person… thank you very much, so you don’t mind if I will read it later?” “Of course not! If my mother had given it to you, I certainly wouldn’t have read it, so… no problem…”

With the package stuffed in her purse, Anna, in a hurry because in the meantime it had become dark, thanked, greeted the girl and headed home. She was amazed: Mariangela had remembered her during a pilgrimage… she had even brought her a souvenir… They weren’t friends… acquaintances, but not friends. She was anxious to read the note attached to the small gift that, she thought, surely, Mariangela counted on giving her as an excuse to start dating… It was supper time and she rushed to see what it was before the arrival of her family.

The bottle was tucked into a pretty dark green velvet bag closed by a woven silk cord. Certainly Mariangela had recycled the container of some gift, perhaps of a jewel or a branded perfume. She took out the envelope, opened it: “Dear Anna, this is a bottle of miraculous water. “Make sure” before using it, sparingly and only on “bad” people. You personally don’t need it, because you are sweet and sensitive. Mariangela.”

She thought long about the words written on the note. “Bad people”… these words resonated in her head all night… “bad people”. Who could be called bad even quote? She herself, whom Mariangela, her goodness, had called sweet and sensitive, did not really believe to be so good.

“… and forgive us our debts… as we also forgive our debtors…” The Lord had spoken clearly, there was no danger of misunderstandings, yet she found it increasingly difficult to forget the wrongs and offenses… Not that she was a vindictive person, she was not capable… but resentment… or was it displeasure?

“Make sure” before using it sparingly…” Mariangela had to be really convinced of the preciousness of that water to recommend a thrifty use of it. On the other hand, the contents of the bottle were so limited! And then, how to use it? Sprinkle “the bad guy” with it? Well, hardly likely that someone would agree to be blessed by her… Or administer it? How? “Make sure”… Make sure of what? That “the bad guy” was really that? Or that he was willing to become “good”? She discovered a side of Mariangela that she would never suspect: the woman didn’t really seem the type to believe in the thaumaturgic power of a water, even if blessed! She didn’t even seem like a religious person. Maybe a believer… the daughter had told her that the mother brought small gifts from the pilgrimages she made… who can see what is in the human soul?… but not a practitioner… she had never met her in church… maybe once or twice for the most important celebrations.

She took the package out of the bag. She headed to the sink determined to empty the bottle into it. But then she thought it was a sacrilegious gesture to pour holy water into the sewers. She put the vial with the liquid back into the bag and stuffed everything, including the note, into the inside pocket of the bag which she placed in the wardrobe along with the others. “… eh… if the holy water was enough… I would use buckets of it…”.

The days passed one after the other: work and home, home and work. One winter Sunday, immediately after lunch, after cleaning up the kitchen, she decided to call her sister. Dinner was ready and she wanted to go out for a walk. It was a beautiful day, cold but clear and that little walk would have been enough to break the boring weekly routine. Anna didn’t ask for anything, she was satisfied with little things. When they were together, her sister and her, time flew by. They both worked and these were the only opportunities to enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes her brother-in-law would also join them for a chat. Those two hours together passed quickly and then everyone fell back into the rhythm of their usual routine. Once back home, Anna quickly took off the clothes she had gone out and put on, over her pajamas for the night, a dressing gown that she used for household chores. She put everything in the wardrobe, clothes, shoes, bag… waiting for the next Sunday outing.

Luigi Fondi, Il Censore (anno 1992)

Anna was still young, a beautiful woman, even if she had never felt like one. She had a particular charm that aroused admiration in men and envy in women, all gratuitous things because, on her part, there was absolutely nothing she did to provoke either one or the other. She looked at the world around her with a skeptical coldness that came from her own life experiences.

She believed little in the compliments that came to her from men: she skilfully distanced herself from situations and listened to their flattery with detachment, judging them to be aimed only at adulating her in the hope of who knows… She managed, on similar occasions, not to feel like the protagonist of the approach attempts, but a simple spectator. She responded to the advances with calm imperturbability if not downright witty irony. If they were married men she immediately asked: “How is your wife?” With this banal question she reminded the man, in case he had forgotten, of his married status and this already served to calm down so many of his ardors. Otherwise, at the first hint of courtship she always talked about her and her children, and this also usually turned out to be a good deterrent. Some of them were almost afraid to speak to her, fearing that they would not be up to par with that proud woman.

People of the same sex, on the other hand, feared confronting her and preferred to avoid her. She had always understood this. While she initially tried in every way to get on their level, later decided that she would not conform just to please four malicious and envious gossipers. Anna continued along her path ignoring the problem of being more or less accepted by someone. She was only sorry that her two daughters were also excluded from their friends’ circle for the exact same reason. She had taught them to have their own personal style and to think with their own head and this seemed to annoy some of the sheeple in the town.

“If you can’t fight them, make friends with them”. It did not always work but every time that this method had given positive results, it was then tacitly recognized her a superiority of culture but above all of soul and, the previously hostile women, in the hope of receiving good advice or opinions, ended up making her so intimate and private confidences that she would never have expected. With those who showed her hostility regardless, she did not lose heart, she limited the relationship to what was strictly necessary. More than once she had heard: “… and to think that I made you so unpleasant… so proud…” from people with whom she had never exchanged even a single word. At first, she was irritated by this sentence: how is it possible to judge a person without even knowing his tone of voice? Just one of those who had said that phrase, was a housewife that she saw sitting on the park benches with friends or walking along the large tree lined avenue that Anna ran to get home, when she came back from work in the evening. She deduced that, perhaps, she was expected to stop and have a chat without realizing that, after being out all day, she was in a hurry to get back and that was the reason why she said goodbye to everyone, but she kept going. She wanted to do a test: in the morning, since she always got up very early, she would also prepare something for dinner in advance. As the evening went by, she began to stop sometimes with one group or another talking about nothing in particular. With some people she immediately perceived a profound hostility. With others, however, she understood that she had managed to break the wall of mistrust and misunderstanding. To her, it mattered little whether her presence was appreciated, or whether they judged her unpleasant, in the second hypothesis, she held back very little and let perfidy, like a snake, eat the hearts of those who raised it in thier wombs.

She was always discreet and very careful not to let herself be dragged into the hateful village gossip on which it seemed to feed the friendship between people who didn’t know how to spend their time.

Even though she was aware of facts and situations, she pretended not to know and above all she did not report or even judge the affairs of others.

“Don’t put a finger between husband and wife!” Or “Whoever has children should keep their mouths shut!” For her, they were not just simple popular proverbs, but wise rules not to be transgressed: do not stick your nose into other people’s affairs.

Luigi Fondi,  Il Censore  (dettaglio)

Anna was separated. Her husband had left her, with two minor daughters on her shoulders, for a foreign woman, a carer, who had come to work in Italy. He had started another family, had even moved to a neighboring town and, despite the initial agreements, having quickly overcome the sense of guilt, he had also stopped paying her the necessary to support, not so much her, but their two girls whom he saw more and more rarely for fear that they would ask him something. Everyone in the village had blamed the man who had abandoned his family and who was now supporting the children of his new partner who had wasted no time in having them arrive immediately from her country. “Eh, she acted like the cuckoo… he… an idiot…” they said, comparing his partner to that bird that throws another bird’s eggs out of the nest, replacing them with its own which will then be hatched and raised for free and he to an idiot made stupid by that scheming bastard. Of his work, he only talked about losses and payments, only to then lead a rather comfortable life with his new partner: holidays, new cars, restaurants…

“To an enemy who flees, golden bridges.” He was no longer her husband.

She no longer even considered him an enemy, she really didn’t consider him. Anna had erased that man from her heart and from her mind. Forever. She felt like a widow. For her he had died the same day he told her he had fallen in love with someone else and wanted to leave home. She hadn’t cried, she hadn’t asked him anything, she had simply told him that the door was open and that it would close behind him forever. He looked at her almost astonished by her reaction, he even seemed to be upset as if he was expecting who knows what tragic scene of jealousy…

It hadn’t been easy: she rolled up her sleeves and went ahead fighting to overcome all kinds of obstacles that she bravely faced.

After her husband had left, there had been many men who would have wanted to have her as a companion and who had proposed themselves, but she had been hurt too deeply and all the probable future emotional feelings towards the male gender had flowed from her soul and now she felt only indifference. Only her love for her daughters whom she adored and defended like a tiger and for her family of origin who had never left her alone remained intact and unique.

She could have behaved like Mariangela. To whom would she have been accountable? But she was of a different mold and then, she thought of her daughters, she didn’t want a bad reputation on her to damage them in any way. Someone, certainly in good faith, had even advised her to start a new life, but she replied that she was fine with that. “Thank you, I already gave!” It was her ironic and bitter reply at the same time.

Some time after the separation, she had met a man. He, kind, gallant, affectionate, a handsome man with a high social position, had paid her a very close court. She, vulnerable, in a phase of life in which she desperately needed tenderness… It wouldn’t have taken much to make her fall in love with him. The problem arose when, after about three weeks, she discovered that he was married. He confided to her about family disagreements and his desire to separate but Anna didn’t like the fact that he had kept quiet about his situation which had come to light one afternoon when his wife, for family reasons, had urgently called him on his cell phone and she, sitting next to him in the car, couldn’t help but listen and understand. Perhaps he may have been sincere but she didn’t like ambiguous situations: she had told him clearly as soon as they met… It would have been enough to tell her how things were right away, then, perhaps she would have accepted and waited, but she felt taken in around and immediately ended their relationship that was already being born with the wrong assumptions. She didn’t regret anything. After lying to her, he hadn’t apologized to her, on the contrary, he had even felt offended by her reaction. She later learned that, shortly after, he had indeed separated and gone to live with another woman… it didn’t take her long to understand that, parallel to hers, he had certainly cultivated another relationship. “He didn’t waste any time, and I… I didn’t waste anything.” She said to herself and thanked God that she had escaped.

Luigi Fondi,  Il Censore  (dettaglio) 

In the first days of March, although still in the astronomical winter, spring began to appear. The days had gotten longer and, when the sun was shining, you began to feel that pleasant warmth that invited you to go out and enjoy the awakening of nature. Sunday outings with her sister became more frequent. As the days went by, once her heavy coats were put aside, she too felt herself being reborn. “We would like to go on a little trip tomorrow. You come?” It was her brother-in-law who, on a Saturday evening, called her to invite her to join them and thus spend a day different from the usual ones.

During the journey, they talked about this and that. She always sat in the back seat. The house, the job, their children. These were usually the topics of their conversations. Every family has its problems and being able to share them with trusted people can only do good. They imagined her difficulties as a woman without a husband and a father for her daughters, even if she never complained.

It was on the way home, when she found herself rummaging in her usual bag to look for her handkerchief, that the paper bag containing the velvet bag and the bottle of water that Mariangela’s daughter had given her came into her hands. By now many months had passed.

She took out the wrapper and extracted the vial and the accompanying cryptic. Another folded sheet of paper came out with it, which she hadn’t even seen the first time. Surely, placed at the bottom of the paper envelope it had got stuck between the folds of it. She opened it. She put on her glasses with higher prescription to read what was written on it.

“What are you reading?” Her sister had turned around. “Well… nothing important… do you remember Mariangela?” “Who? The one who died last year?” “Yes, that one. There was only her in village with that name…” “So what?” “After she died, her daughter gave me an envelope that her mother had prepared and on which there was my name.” “A letter? For you?” “No. Not a letter. A paper bag with a small bottle of holy water inside…” “But did you have a friendship…?” “No. I knew her, like everyone else.” “And why then would she bring you holy water? I didn’t think she was that religious…” “I don’t know. That’s what I asked myself too. I must have spoken to her about two or three times…” “Okay, what are you going to do now?” I don’t know… Nothing. I can’t throw it away, it’s holy water, it seems a sacrilegiuous act to me… I put it in this bag and I even forgot about it…” She didn’t told her about the note, nor about the other piece of paper that she had hurriedly put away. “What were you reading?” “Ah… nothing at the bottom of the bag, there was even a shopping list that had been left in there, you can figure out how long… every now and then you should do a “clean up”…” Without knowing the reason, but intentionally, she changed the topic of her conversation. “Have you seen the new vacuum cleaner on sale at the supermarket? You told me that yours was broken… the one on offer isn’t bad… good brand and affordable price… when I saw the brochure I thought of you and kept it… I wanted to call you, then it slipped my mind… anyway, If you’re interested, I have the advertising leaflet at home.”

“It has been a beautiful day! Thank you!” “But thanks to you, you kept us company. Next Sunday we’ll organize another tour, don’t forget…” This is how they greeted each other.

Anna barely had time to return when, immediately afterwards, her daughters arrived. A simple dinner, a chat about what they had done and who they had seen, then each of them retired to their own room. They were good girls, they loved each other and were happy that their mother, at least on Sundays, also spent a few hours with their aunt and uncle, free from daily tasks. They had different friendships from each other: classmates, friendships that had been consolidated since childhood. Anna had raised them well and she saw how they helped and defended each other. As always, she began putting her clothes away in the closet. She remembered the piece of paper in her bag, took it out, and put on her glasses. A small list of names. The last name was Mariangela’s. What did that mean? She didn’t understand. She folded it and placed it on the nightstand. She put on her pajamas and turned on the television. On teletext she scrolled through all the evening’s programmes. There were also some good films that would have been worth seeing, but since she knew that she would fall asleep at a certain time and she was sorry not to know how they would end, she decided that she would watch a nature documentary.

Lying on the bed, she took the piece of paper back into her hands. She shuddered… dead… it was a list of names of people, all dead, including Mariangela. She instinctively put the paper back on the bedside table. She turned on the television and instead of the nature program, she tuned in to a variety show. It wasn’t her favorite kind of programme but she wanted to distract herself and not think about anything. After a while, however, she found herself with the paper in her hands again. Sitting on the bed she began to dwell on the names on the list. Hoping to understand something, she got up, took a pen and an old diary where she usually wrote down things to do, determined to take notes. She immediately realized that she would not be able to do any analysis, apart from Mariangela and her husband, she did not know the people listed, on the contrary, she knew them by sight as they were local people, but they were people she had never frequented. The only thing she knew about them and that they had in common was death. “But that… too many people share it…” she thought. She put everything back on the nightstand and tried not to think about it. She changed the channel and concentrated on a good film, which had already started, and which, now sleepless, she managed to watch until its end. Even though it was very late, she had trouble falling asleep, that strange list… those names were buzzing in her head. She fell asleep at dawn, just before the annoying sound of the alarm clock, which she deliberately kept out of reach so that she would be forced to wake up and, albeit very reluctantly, get out of bed. The piece of paper was still on the bedside table. She folded it and stuffed it back into the bottom of the envelope, and then into the bag that she then put back in the closet.

Luigi Fondi, Il sogno di Maria (anno 2009)

Another week began. After the separation, Anna threw herself into work. Her mother had always told her: “Remember: your freedom depends on your economic independence.” And how right she was! How would she have done if she hadn’t had her job? How could she have raised and supported her daughters without them not only suffering from the absence of their father but also from the lack of those little things that made the difference at their age? A new dress, a pair of shoes, a haircut, a dinner out with friends… Her girls were not demanding, it was she who did not want them to feel inferior to their friends for insignificant details which, precisely because they were such, should not, in no way, affect their physical and mental well-being. She was very attentive. She personally didn’t follow fashion or trends but as far as her daughters were concerned she tried to make sure they didn’t miss anything. She had also taught them not to blindly follow the trends of the moment but to have a personal style that would distinguish them from the crowd and the girls had acquired and made their mother’s concept their own. Even during adolescence they had demonstrated good taste which, as they grew up, was then transformed into refinement. It was obvious that their mother, although young, made sacrifices in their favor but she was so skilled at not making it a burden, or at least that’s what she believed. Everything must have seemed normal… but maybe it wasn’t.

One evening her youngest daughter came out: “But it would also be right for us to ask our father to support us…” Surely someone had suggested it to her. “Why? Are you missing something?” was Anna’s dry and annoyed reply. “No, I don’t miss anything, but it would be right!” she reiterated. “How do you come up with that? And what would you like to ask him?” “I do not know.” “So what are you talking about?” The eldest remained silent, thoughtful. After a few days, her ex-husband called her. “What is this story? What do you want from me?” Anna, taken aback, was surprised. “What I want? But who’s looking for you? I don’t want anything from you. You have never given me anything and I want nothing, not even to hear from you. You are dead to me and… do me a favor, don’t resurrect.” “Then why did you send your daughter here?” “I? And when ever? I didn’t send you anyone at all!” “Sure?” “Of course I’m sure.” “Then do me the courtesy of telling the “miss” not to come and break my… because if we go to the math here, I don’t know who will lose…” “You’re the one breaking… I didn’t look for you. What should I lose?” She hung up the phone in his face without waiting for his reply. When her youngest daughter came home she almost attacked her at the door. “What did your brain tell you?” she remained silent. “Who gave you the order to go to your father? And to do what?” the girl didn’t answer. “Why? You have to tell me: why?” “He’s my father, it’s only right that he gives us something to support us…” “What are you missing? What do you want? What did you ask him?” “I told him that, by law, he has to support us…” “You’re crazy! If he had wanted to support you there would have been no need for any law… or even to ask him. Have you ever seen him again since he left with that…? “Bitch.” “Don’t swear!” “I just said what she is: a whore!” The older sister intervened: “Enough, get it over with! What purpose does it serve?” “You’re right, it was of no use…” the younger one replied sadly. “He’s a criminal!” “Shut up! Get it over!” Anna slapped her face. “Yes, yes, he’s a thug and she’s a whore!” She ran into her bedroom and threw herself on the bed. She cried desperately, it seemed as if her soul was leaving her chest. Anna approached her: “Come on, let’s make it up. See you shouldn’t have gone there? Let’s leave him alone, let’s act as if he doesn’t exist… which is better…” “Do you know what he told me?” “What?” “That if we piss him off, he’ll just throw us out of the house… because the house belongs to him…” The other daughter had also entered the bedroom. All three remained silent. “Come on, let’s go to dinner. The house belongs to him… ah… we’ll see if it’s his… He is crazy if he thinks I’ll give the house to him… to that bastard!” “See, you say swear words too!” Her daughter was right and she didn’t reply. “That’s enough, let’s go to the kitchen.” During the meal, pressed by her mother and sister, the girl said she had gone to her father’s house. She had been there by scooter, accompanied by a friend who then remained in the street waiting for her. She had rang and he had opened the door for her, personally. She said that her father lived in a semi-detached house divided by a fairly high wall that joined the houses and which, continuing along the two sides beyond the building, divided the external space belonging to each of them. A private house with garden, free on three sides. Two cars and two scooters were parked in front of the entrance door. The interior of the house, at least the part that she had seen, was furnished with modern furniture of good taste and also of a certain value. On the table in the large living room, three shoppers from a luxury clothing store that the father’s partner, who immediately came down from the upper floor, had hurriedly took away. “The whore… maybe she was afraid that I would steal her stuff? You’ll understand… she got fat like a slut… what she is…” “I’ll tell you for the last time, enough with the swearing.” The girl continued. She reported that her father had been quite surprised by her visit and that she had told him clearly that it was time he remembered that he had two daughters… she said that he had gone into a rage and that he had accused her mother of having sent her. She said that he was screaming like a madman and that even the “whore” had come down to give him her support, telling her that if he had a heart attack it would be her fault, to which the girl had replied: “If only it were true! At least he’ll be dead, for real”! At that point her father had slapped her across the face and shouted at her that they, her mother and her sister, had ruined his life, but that he would make them pay… all three of them. That the house belonged to him and that they would have to leave… She had left in a hurry, but not without first spitting on the ground as a sign of contempt. “What have you done?” “I spat, yes I spat. I regretted not spitting in their faces… all those bastards…” “But why did you go there?” “Because yes. I don’t care that he’s gone, but that he keeps that bitch and her bastards as lords while you make a thousand sacrifices for us… I hate him! By the way, you should see the “whore”: she got fat like a slut, as she is.” “Yes yes, you already told us. Enough.”

So it was that after a few weeks the notification from the court arrived. He had contacted a famous lawyer and carried out what he had threatened to do.

Luigi Fondi, Il sogno di Maria (anno 2009)

Turning to a lawyer was the only thing she could do. She chose a woman. Although Anna had been somewhat reassured, the issue had been raised. And it was huge. In the end the two lawyers agreed on the hypothesis that Anna and her daughters would leave the house and that he would pay them the rent in another apartment but Anna knew that he would never pay and did not sign the agreement. Her daughters had both reached the age of majority and she feared that this would lead to her losing the right to live in the marital home.

The matter went on for months. One day her ex-husband asked her to meet to reach an agreement. Anna wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea but she couldn’t help but accept. He would have been the one to come. They had agreed that they would meet in a bar in the village but upon Anna’s observation that she didn’t like strangers present at their conversation and then ready to gossip about it, he suggested meeting at “their” house. She didn’t like it, but accepted the solution.

It was while she was thinking about what she could offer him that suddenly thought of Mariangela’s note and her water. “Use it sparingly on “bad” people.” Well, bad in quotes he had been and he certainly was. Who knows, maybe that was really holy water… who knows, maybe it really worked the miracle of making him think… she prepared two cups on a tray. In one of them, she poured just two drops, “sparingly”, of the famous water then, after placing the bag with the vial in the bedroom wardrobe, she put the tray with the cups back on the shelf from which she had taken them and closed the kitchen cupboard. A coffee and some baked pastries, that’s what she would have offered him.

She found herself putting on makeup, carefully choosing the dress to wear and combing her hair. She didn’t do it for him, she just didn’t want to be seen as careless or sloppy, or for him to think that without him, she was pining away from displeasure… she did it exclusively for herself.

“Hey, damn! You’re in good form! I didn’t remember you being so beautiful!” They were the words with which he began as soon as she opened the door for him. She had purposely chosen a time during which her daughters were both at school. She didn’t want them to be present at their conversation, especially after the younger girl’s outburst. “I might even get back together with you…” “And what do you think? That I’m here ready for use? Forget it, listen to me!” Once inside, he looked around. The house was in perfect order. Some time before, after he had left, Anna had renewed the curtains and carpet of the large living room and had covered the sofas with a beautiful dark red fabric. Small changes which, however, were enough to give the room a completely different look. “It seems like another house to me.” “It’s another house.” She replied as she watched him carefully. Two stains on the front of the jacket he was wearing, the shoes that hadn’t been polished and the hair that needed cutting gave him an image of scruffiness. He seemed older to her, another man, different from that neat person who, before, left his house in the morning. Her friends would truly no longer recognize him as the “prince consort”, as they called him.

He took off his jacket. Anna couldn’t help but notice the poorly ironed shirt and the V-neck sweater that had a slightly frayed left cuff. “Well, it’s what he deserves!” She thought to herself. It was clear that the “caregiver”, or better, his “whore”, as she came to call her, was neglecting him. Surely, on the other hand, the woman will have caused sparks in bed for having made him decide to abandon his family… “It’s really true that men don’t think with their brains but with their dicks! Poor idiot!” She forced herself to control her anger. She had thought a lot about that meeting and had decided that she would put aside her grudges and would coldly reason in order to obtain all the possible benefits exclusively for her daughters.

“Would you like a coffee?” “No, thanks, I stopped at the bar with a friend before coming up. I’ll have one of those pastries on the table, can I?” “Of course, help yourself.”

Immediately afterwards he sat down and they began to argue. “The house is mine! I bought it and it belongs to me. You have been there too long. I’m paying the rent, that’s enough. It’s time for me to enjoy it too.” He had come determined to make his case and Anna felt weak. She struggled to retort, she had always found it difficult to stand up to him. He was a domineering man. He immediately raised his voice and didn’t listen to reason. “I’ll have a drop of coffee, I need it…” she said, interrupting the flow of words that came out of the man’s mouth. She got up and, heading to the kitchen, she put the coffee pot that she had already ready on the gas stove. She took the tray with the two cups out of the cupboard and poured a little into what should have been his cup too. She brought everything to the living room table. “Just a drop, to keep me company. All right? I add the tip of a teaspoon of honey. You?” “Nothing. I take it bitterly.” The situation had not changed, after much discussion, everyone remained entrenched in his position. Anna felt she was right, from his words she realized that the man would also have to give explanations to his new partner who, certainly on her part, was nagging him and he didn’t want to go through what he had given in to her ex-wife. In the end, they decided that the judge would resolve the issue since there was no basis for reaching a common agreement. The next day they would hear from each other after having spoken to their own lawyer.

Luigi Fondi, “Lucio, gatto nero nel Castello” 

The following morning, Anna was turning the key to the house ready to leave, when she heard the phone ringing from inside. She immediately reopened the door and ran to answer it. She immediately understood who was calling even before the person on the other end identified herself: the female voice with an obvious foreign accent… her husband’s partner.

“Good morning, Giorgio sick. He said to call you, he can’t speak to the lawyer today.” “Sick? What happened to him?” “We went to dinner last night with friends. He was fine. Ate and drank. Tonight I called ambulance.” “Where is he now? In hospital? What did they tell him?” “He in hospital. I’m at home now. Not spoken to doctor. Doctor wants to talk to family member, wife, daughter…”

That’s all we needed! All that was missing was that now she also had to deal with that asshole… She called at work. In a few words she explained the situation and they told her that she could leave easily, and not to worry.

She also notified her daughters with a message on their respective cell phones. “You’re an idiot!” Was the response of the youngest. She was right. But what could she do?

At the entrance to the hospital she asked which department he had been admitted to: cardiology. Arriving on the fifth floor, she found the door to the ward closed. Some people were sitting on benches all around the room that served as an antechamber. “Visiting doctors…” a lady standing leaning against the wall told her when she tried to lower the handle. She sat down on one of the metal seats. “Is this normal?…” she asked, turning to the person who had spoken to her shortly before and who had sat next to her. “Eh, let’s say it’s like this almost every day. All it takes is for a new emergency to arrive. However they do the visits in the morning… it’s difficult to get in before midday, one o’clock…” At that moment the opaque glass door opened. A nurse came out. Anna immediately stood up and approached her. “I am the wife of…. How is he? ” “Ah, thank goodness, I was looking for you… I went out specifically to call some relatives. Come, the doctor is waiting for you.” She followed the girl through the door which immediately closed with a click behind them. A long corridor onto which many doors opened, all with opaque glass doors and all closed. At the beginning, the only one open. “Come in.” The nurse motioned for her to enter the room and left. The room was quite cramped. The doctor, sitting at a desk facing the door, was typing something on the computer. “Good morning ma’am…” She said her husband’s surname. “Ah… here you are… good. Actually, bad. Your husband had a heart attack. We are monitoring it right now. In our opinion, mine and my colleagues obviously, the situation is quite serious. In any case, I anticipate you that we will have to activate revascularization methods through the implantation of stents.” She listened in silence. The doctor looked at her. “Is his life in danger? How could that happen?” She realized the stupidity of her question. “It happens. Predisposition, heredity, lifestyle, diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol… there are many factors that can lead to a heart attack… The important thing is to arrive in time. We need the consent of a family member, wife or adult child, to proceed with the operation as soon as possible.” “We are separated. Not legally…” “Yes, yes, I understand. Not divorced, I suppose, your husband has already told us that he is living with a foreign lady but this does not matter, she cannot sign and the situation requires urgent action.” He presented her with a pre-written sheet of paper which she signed at the bottom left where a small mark had been made. She told herself that she should read, but she sensed a certain urgency, as if the doctor waiting for her was in a hurry.

The doctor then accompanied her to the room where the patient was and continued down the corridor. He, attached to all the monitoring equipment but conscious, seemed uncomfortable in the role of sick person. “Huh, see what’s happening?” He wanted to be funny, but he was clearly scared. “In the end there is also the case that you will also remain a widow…” “Don’t be an idiot. The doctor said they’ll operate on you right away. Don’t worry! Nothing will happen to you. And then, who kills you? If it were that easy…” She tried to lighten the air by replying in kind. A nurse who came in with the dressing trolley asked her to come out. “Please, ma’am…” he said, pointing to the door. “The patient must be prepared for the surgery.” She approached him and took his hand to say hello. He grabbed hers and squeezed it with an unexpected force so hard it hurt. “Don’t go away… please!” “Don’t worry, I’ll wait out here until the surgery is over.”

The surgeon who asked to speak to her had just come out of the operating room. He still had the green coat and mask used for the surgery. “Ma’am, everything went well. We placed three stents. We intervened in time. Two, three days maximum in hospital and your husband will be able to return home easily.”

Some time passed before they took him back to his room. He was alert and calm, perhaps still slightly under the effects of the anesthesia. “Deceived! I’m still here!” His humor again. “The bad grass never dies… You’ve always been a real swindle…” “Tell the truth… you hoped so…” “Of course yes! Black looks great on me. I hoped it could finally be the opportunity to show off my black fur…”. Anna replied with the same sarcasm. She actually had a beautiful black fur coat that she had worn very little and on the mournful colour of which he had always joked. He took his hand out of the sheets and made the gesture of horns, at that moment, the doctor came in to check if everything was okay. “Good, good… I see that you don’t lack spirit….” The three of them laughed then she said goodbye and left the hospital.

The following day she had decided not to go. “Well, aren’t we going to see each other anymore? Look, my life is still in danger.” It was him on the phone. “I’m giving up my place to someone else.” Was her replay. “And besides, you’re not dying, no…”

On the third day he called her early in the morning. “I’ll call you before you go to work. I wanted to ask you if you could pick me up. They put me on leave.” “And why me? Can’t “she” come?” “Of course she can, but I would prefer if you came.” “You know I work. Noboby supports us…”

She went to pick him up at the hospital. He had been discharged and he felt safer with her. They entered the doctor’s office together, the same room where she had been on the first day and the same doctor who, in a few words, explained to them what had been done, the treatment he would have to do and the lifestyle he would have to lead if he cared about his health. “I advise you to forget about dinners with friends, at least for a while. Live a regular life. Your wife understands what I mean…” “The problem is that I’m no longer his wife!” she replied promptly with the strange feeling that the doctor had pretended not to remember. “Ah, sorry, I forgot. But did you know that from a statistic it would seem that men who are regularly married and have got a family have fewer heart problems and live, in general, longer? Obviously this won’t be the case with you… however, I still recommend… good sense.” He scheduled a check-up appointment for him and they left the hospital together. She with the bag of his things so as not to make him tired.

Anna had never been to the house where he lived with his new partner and her children, it was he who gave her all the directions to get to destination. She stopped her car outside the gate, helped him out and placed his luggage next to him while he rang the bell. “Here we are, then I’ll go. Take care of yourself.” “But how? Aren’t you even going to come in?” “To do what? I’ll leave you in good hands, right?” Without waiting for a response, she got back into her car before the gate opened and her ex husband’s new partner and a boy appeared at the front door. “You really don’t want to come in?” When she sharply refused, he thanked her once, twice, three times. She started the engine, gave a small wave and drove off. She hadn’t said anything to her daughters, they would have been angry.

Luigi Fondi, Manichini in riva al mare (anno 2008)  

A few months passed. Now he would occasionally call her. Lately he had even made a transfer to her bank account with the reason “For our daughters. Thank you.” She had told the girls right away. “Damn, and did he all come to his senses at once?” was the older girl’s comment. The younger one had been meaner: “If only he were dead, no problems. We wouldn’t have had to worry about the house anymore… no, ma’?” “Don’t wish death on anyone! And besides, he’s still your father!” Her mother had answered her sternly. The girl had made a skeptical face as if to say: “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” It was a modest amount but it would have come in handy anyway. That month, with two days less work, her salary had been meager than usual, maybe he had just wanted to compensate her.

It wasn’t long before her lawyer called her. “Ma’am, I’m calling you about the house.” “Here we go again.” She thought. “So, the Judge decided for separation with charges against your husband. As for the house, it will have to be put up for sale and, since you are in community of property, the sum obtained will be divided in half.” “And the daughters? Where do we go?” “As for the girls, until they finish their studies and find work, you will both be responsible for their maintenance. It’s not much, but I think you can say you’re satisfied. It doesn’t seem to have gone badly… until today, you had told me that he had never contributed. For this purpose, your husband will pay you, for both girls, the monthly sum of 800 euros plus any extra expenses.” “That he will never give us…” “Eh, no, no. This time he signed an undertaking in front of the Judge. From now on, he will have to pay. He knows it too. However, you can remain in the house until it is sold. When you come to visit me in the office, I will give you all the documents and explain to you verbally.”

Thus the house was put up for sale. Anna, on the advice of her lawyer, asked the real estate agency for a high non-negotiable figure and remained in the same position, now also receiving the 800 euros per month established by the Judge. She also received another bank transfer that her husband had had to pay her as arrears for all the time that had passed. From the calculation she realized that he had deducted the sum sent to her previously, as soon as he left the hospital. Petty… He hadn’t contradicted himself…

He was a mechanic and earned a lot of money. One day he called her. “How come this house can’t be sold?” “And what do I know.” “The price is too high. I heard from another real estate agent and he says the house will never be sold at that price.” “It doesn’t matter to me, I’m certainly not selling off the house because your real estate agent says it’s overpriced…” “So what?” “What do you want?” “I disagree!” “I’m sorry, what can I do?”

Anna’s lawyer, immediately made aware of her phone call, suggested her to convince her husband to register the house in their daughters’ name and made arrangements with the opposing party’s lawyer. It wasn’t easy. Her husband’s new partner, on her part, was pushing for the house to be sold… that way it would be easier for her to put her hands in the honey jar…

They met once again at her house. Usual scenery: perfect house, tidy hair, nice dress, pastries, coffee pot ready on the stove. And holy water? “Well, just superstition.” But she poured another few drops into one of the two cups still on the tray, which she then placed again in the cupboard.

“What’s this other story about putting the house in our daughters’ names?” “I think it’s the best thing to do: not for me, not for you. They are our daughters… or would you rather let someone else’s children enjoy it…?” She saw him annoyed. “And you? In the end you would be the one to enjoy it…” “I have no problems, I can even leave, if that’s the problem… so in addition to the father, “your” daughters will also be “orphaned” of their mother…” The lawyer had proposed to her this eventuality and had advised her to raise the possibility of leaving the girls alone. “In short, in the end I would always have to lose out!” “And why would you always lose out. You wouldn’t give anything to me, we would both give the house to our, to “your” daughters.” She got up to turn on the gas under the coffee pot. Two minutes of silence to drink it and then the discussion heated up again. “And the notary fees?” “Those will be divided in half, I’ll have to get help from my parents… I hope…” “Well, this story doesn’t convince me. I need the money. You’re peeling me like a thrush…” “You’re actually paying your daughters’ maintenance, your share. What you should have done right away. But here we prefer to support the children of the “cuckoo lady”… Eh, she has made you stupid… that “whore”… ” “How dare you?” “I allow myself, of course I allow myself… let’s forget about it… it’s better… you’re looking like an idiot in front of the whole country…” He jumped up, making the chair fall. Dark red in the face he repeated: “How dare you?” “I allow myself to tell the truth, what is there for all to see.” He, increasingly darker in the face, made a gesture of raising his hand. “Come on! Give it a go!” She expected him to hit her so she raised her arm to defend herself by covering her face. She didn’t see him, but she heard him fall clattering backwards onto the overturned chair. She thought he had tripped on the rungs. “Look, now this asshole is going to kill himself…” She quickly moved to the other side of the table. He had collapsed heavily to the ground, his head turned away. She approached him from behind and touched him on the shoulder. “Stand up. Are you hurt? Too little! Stand up! The floor is cold.” He didn’t move. “Well, what do we do? Do you want to stay lying down?” He didn’t answer her. It was at that point that she stepped to his side, bent down, turned his head and saw his eyes wide open. She was scared and shook him hard. She called his name again. She opened the front door and screamed for help.

The ambulance that someone had requested arrived after about ten minutes. Everything useless. He had died instantly. The doctor who arrived immediately afterwards with the medical vehicle could do nothing but certify his death from a heart attack. “What happened, ma’am?” She seemed dazed to tell how he got up and suddenly fell backwards without saying a word. She didn’t say they were arguing. She told the neighbors, who rushed to help, that he had come to see her daughters and that he was waiting for them to return. The funeral home workers placed him on the double bed. She called the girls to come home as soon as possible because their father had died. She communicated it simply, without unnecessary beating around the bush. She told everyone that he had come to say hello, that he had fallen to the ground, that she had tried in vain to help him since he had died instantly. In the meantime, mechanically, she had rinsed the cups and put the chair back upright.

She also called his ex husband’s partner to inform her and to have his funeral clothes sent to her. She told her that if she wanted, she could bring them herself, that she could come to her house. She didn’t seem that distressed. She replied that she preferred to remember him alive, that she would send someone with what was requested and that she would participate in the religious ceremony. “But what happened to him? He’s been doing so well lately! ” “Heart attack. The doctor at the hospital had told him that the fact that he had been operated on would not guarantee him that it couldn’t happen again…” “And you couldn’t have taken him to the hospital?” “Of course, if he hadn’t died instantly. I called the ambulance, but it was useless.” Anna said goodbye and ended the conversation. What did she want to imply? That she hadn’t helped him?

Luigi Fondi, Manichini in riva al mare (dettaglio)

The whole town learned about her ex-husband who died in her house. Some even insinuated that he visited her regularly and…

With the body in the house, there was a coming and going of people who came to offer condolences. Actually, more about sticking their nose into other people’s affairs than bringing comfort. Her family remained to watch over the corpse but above all to keep her company all night and also the following day until the funeral took place. That day, after his funeral they all had dinner together, she, her daughters, her parents, her sisters, her brothers and their families.

It was difficult that evening to find herself and the two girls alone after her relatives had returned to their respective homes. The three of them were used to have dinner and then each to retire to their own room, but that was a particular situation, none of them decided to take the first step… she too. Sleeping in the bed that had welcomed her dead ex-husband… In the end, above all to set a good example for the girls, she wished them goodnight, she gathered courage and entered her room. In any case, sooner or later she would have had to sleep there… better to face the problem immediately.

She turned on the television. Her mother would not have approved… her husband had just died… and the television on… but she needed not to think and then for her he had been dead for a long time… In the end, tired, she fell asleep. When she woke up, the device was still on. The louder advertising volume had certainly woken her up. She had always been annoyed by that sudden increase in sound intensity during commercials. She got up to go to the bathroom. Light filtered from her youngest daughter’s room. She approached the door slowly. She heard her sobbing. She slowly turned the doorknob down. “What’s happening? Come on. Try to rest.” “Leave me alone, please.” “Of course I’ll leave you alone. I don’t want to see you so desperate.” “I’m not desperate.” “So let’s say I’m sorry to see you cry!” She walked over to her and sat down on her bed. “It will pass…” “This asshole was supposed to come to die right here…” “What are you saying? You don’t choose the place to die.” “To make me feel guilty.” “I really don’t believe that someone dies to make someone else feel guilty. Come on… die to make you feel guilty! Don’t you think it’s a bit much? The story of the guy who cut off his balls to spite his wife is… exactly… a little story… a joke…” “Yes, yes instead. As I left his house I wished him to die, I screamed it loudly and he slapped me in the face.” “So? What does it mean? It’s not your fault that he died. If wishing death on someone meant making them actually die… it would be too simple… a massacre… do you know how many deaths…” She took her in her arms, cuddled her tenderly. She calmed down, then, exhausted, fell asleep. Anna closed the door softly behind her, went into the bathroom and then returned silently to her room. Remorse, her little girl felt remorse for words she shouted only in the throes of pain and anger. He certainly hadn’t felt it when, from morning to night, he had left the house. And not even when he hadn’t paid a cent for the maintenance of his daughters and not even when he had sternly told her that they had to leave the house… the Judge had to intervene and she hadn’t even been the one to trigger all the controversies that had arisen lately… if it had depended from her, she wouldn’t have asked for anything… if he hadn’t demanded the house, they would have made do as they had always done, she certainly wouldn’t have turned to the lawyer if she hadn’t been forced… his malice had turned against him.

As his wife, she had to provide and pay all the expenses for his funeral. His partner had literally disappeared from circulation. Surely, once the chicken that supported her died, she immediately started looking for another one to skin. She had glimpsed her on the day of the funeral rite: she had shown up with her children, dressed all in black with a tight dress that clearly highlighted her generous curves. Even the lace veil on her head that “holy whore” had put on! No one had spoken to her. After that nothing more.

Luigi Fondi, “Lucio, gatto nero nel Castello” 

The lawyer called her a few days later. There were many tasks to take care of: checking her husband’s accounts, if any, taking care of the hereditary succession, opening the application for the reversibility request… “Forgive me Anna, unfortunately the bureaucracy… there are many things to see… First of all, I have already contacted your husband’s lawyer. The entire history of the house, since you three are the heirs, has, obviously, expired. By now a third of it belongs to you and the rest to your daughters unless you want to register it all directly in their name. Then we’ll see everything else too. Please look for all the documents in your possession.”

He had the money, of course… he centainly had it! Two well-stocked current accounts in different banks and a more than substantial postal deposit. “I’m sure he also had a good amount of cash available but his partner will certainly have already got her hands on it…” The lawyer had mentioned it to her. “It seems that your husband worked a lot in the black, so he certainly had a nice liquid nest egg…” They wouldn’t have been able to prove anything, so they didn’t even investigate.

“For an enemy who flees, golden bridges…” it also applied to that woman who came to take away her husband and her peace of mind. “The whore”, as even she who had scolded her daughter now called her, but only to herself, she certainly didn’t expect that he would die so soon… before managing to get something registered… Anna was sure that, in her country, with the cash she had grabbed, much more than a house could have been bought… Thinking about it made her angry, but after a while she managed not to torment herself further. It was all over now. She just hoped to never see her again.

They would have sold the three lands, which he had inherited from his family or, as she intended to do for the house, she would have registered them in the girls’ name. She didn’t need anything, she had enough to live on. When, with a technician, they went to see the properties to realize their value, they discovered that on one of the farms, a stone’s throw from the town centre, the small farmhouse, which was accessed by a large gate that opened onto a beautiful tree-lined avenue with a slight slope, what was the old tool shed, located on a hill and surrounded by centuries-old oak trees, had become a country house, a real villa and a trough for the animals, a spectacular swimming pool! “And he had the courage to and ask us for the house… and he needed the money…that he can’t have peace…”

Even the survivor’s pension would have come to an amount which, added to her salary, would have allowed them to keep going without problems. It was while she was looking for all the possible documents to open the various procedures that a folder came into her hands. She opened it and immediately remembered when, as a young couple, they had taken charge of the collection of life insurance policies. It was she who, pregnant first with one daughter, then with the other, went from house to house every month to collect the prizes and then deliver them to the agency and receive a very small amount as compensation. Up and down the streets of the town, flights of stairs, rain or shine. At that time, convinced by the insurer himself, her husband had also taken out one on his life. Given that he was still young, he paid a negligible monthly amount. Browsing through the paperwork, she found various statements that had been made at the time to show them how much they would have received in the event of an accident, resulting in disability, or death. Anna had actually forgotten about it. She remembered how, later on, the share of his prize was deducted each time from her agreed upon compensation. To her remonstrances he promptly replied: “And what do you expect? If I die, you get the money, not me.” Anna had also let that pass… She continued to carry out the assignment until, with two small children, it was impossible for her and she and gave it up.

All the monthly installments had been regularly paid as long as she had been in charge of collecting the policies. But what happened next? She continued searching through the papers until she found a bank account debit authorization. She ran to check the documents that her lawyer had obtained from the banks and the post office. In fact, every month, one of the two current accounts had been regularly debited with the insurance amount, month after month, year after year. She then remembered that, when she stopped collecting premiums on behalf of the insurance company, the agent had managed to convince him to continue the payments through his bank account. It was a small sum that had never caught her husband’s eye, otherwise, Anna was sure of it, after their separation, he would have stopped paying it and would have demanded a refund of what had been paid up until then. It was her lawyer who took charge of everything. The insurance company had no choice but to pay.

She had discovered to be, not rich, but wealthy. Suddenly, death had solved all her problems. It had done more than that, it had brought her a comfort that she would never have dreamed of.

Luigi Fondi,  Rivoglio la mia faccia, il mio pane, il mio vino (anno 1995)

Some time passed. One after the other, her parents had passed away. A great loss for her and her entire family. Anna, in particular, could not forget how much they had helped her in her time of need and she had done everything to care for and assist them until their last day. She had done everything she could to ensure that they lacked nothing and she had not spared herself trips to doctors for specialist visits of all kinds and, later, endless nights of care in hospital. Her father had left first, followed months later by his wife.

Two months had passed since her mother’s death, when one Sunday morning Anna went to the cemetery. Standing before the marble headstone, she couldn’t help but think about how much worry she had given them. From the photos, they seemed to be looking at her. She observed them for a long time, they seemed serene.

She had found the cat rubbing against her without having seen it coming. It was no longer a kitten, it had grown up too. She had recognized it immediately by its little white paw. “Hey Pluto! And where did you end up?”

She turned instinctively: Mariangela’s daughter was behind her. The graves of her parents were almost in front of that of the girl’s mother who smiled kindly at her. “Every now and then I see it here… it goes and it comes. Maybe it’s ‘the cemetery cat’.” “I hadn’t seen it again. Yet lately, unfortunately, I have been coming here quite often, apart from the fact that I had other thoughts on my mind…” Now she had her back to her parents’ tomb, in front of her, Mariangela’s face appeared smiling among a rich composition of fresh flowers. “She was beautiful, your mother!” “Eh… Sometimes beauty is misfortune, a trap…” The girl is very intelligent and sensitive… Anna couldn’t help but think. She greeted her and continued the visit. In front of her ex-husband’s tomb she stopped to change the water for the flowers. They were no longer very fresh but, considering that they would last a few more days, Anna only changed the rotten water in the vase that contained them. The cat had followed her. “Well, what do you want now?” It responded by rubbing against her ankles once again. Even though her desire was great, Anna did not feel like neglecting the tomb of the man who had been her partner and father of her daughters. She had taken care of it, helped by her mother, to buy the grave, pay for the funeral rites and everything that followed. It had been a big expense. Subsequently, thanks to what she had inherited, she had returned the money even though her parents had insisted so much that she kept that sum. When she had told them that it was not right for her to hold back it, with the wisdom of age her mother had told her: “My daughter, it is better to do these works for others than when they are done to you…” She was right but, one evening when she had gone to visit them, she left the money on the kitchen table, in plain sight.

She started a new life. Anna decided that she would not spend her ex-husband’s money on herself but that she would deposit part of it in her bank and part at the post office in joint accounts with her daughters. They had lived modestly until then and would continue in the same lifestyle, she didn’t want the girls to get used to it badly. “Watch out! From bad to good, you get used to it straight away, but from good to bad… it’s hard…”. She always remembered her mother’s wise words when she learned how much she could dispose of after being widowed. The survivor’s pension and her salary would have been more than enough to ensure that neither herself nor her daughters lacked anything. All in all, she realized how much more important it was for her to have the peace of mind of having her back covered, rather than spending and squandering like other people in her situation perhaps would have done. The inherited lands were beautiful plots in excellent locations. The neighbors didn’t take long to come forward with purchase proposals but she wasn’t in a hurry, she wanted to think about it, calmly and with common sense. They talked about it for a long time at home. She had also asked for the advice of her father and her family… In agreement with her daughters, she decided that they would keep the land on which the beautiful house stood and would instead sell the other two cultivated farms, to work which they would be forced to hiring labor and this would not have been profitable in the end. They were not experts in crops and in farm works so they accepted the offer of one of her brothers-in-law who offered to buy them at the current price established by a local surveyor.

Everything seemed to be going well. Her eldest daughter, in the meantime, had become engaged to a boy who had recently come to live in the village. The young man began to frequent her house. He seemed polite and kind even if he had few words. He was a few years older than her daughter and was already working at a brick company in a neighboring town. Before then, Anna hadn’t even known him by sight. At first she had attributed the fact that he never looked her in the eyes to reserve, then she had quickly realized that the boy was not at all shy or even awkward and she didn’t like that avoiding her gaze. He often stopped for lunch or dinner at their house and left at the first commercial as soon as the evening news was over.

Luigi Fondi,  Rivoglio la mia faccia, il mio pane, il mio vino (dettaglio)

Some time passed.  One evening, while Anna was busy tidying up her kitchen after dinner, her eldest daughter, who had stayed to help her, came out with an unexpected speech: “You know what I was thinking, Ma? I study, study to do what? How many graduates are walking around? Unemployed… out of work?” “Whoever wants to work will find work sooner or later. And a degree in your pocket is an extra chance. You, however, don’t have an urgent need to work, now think about studying. You’ll see that when the time comes we’ll find the job…” “But if someone wanted to make a life…” “A life? Sorry, but what are you talking about? Who is this someone you care so much about?” “Me, ma. What if I wanted to start a family?” “You? And what’s on your mind now? Have a family? Now? But are you in the right mind?” “Why? What would be strange? I have a boyfriend, I could even get married…” “Of course. You could do whatever you want, if it were sensible things, and above all if it was what YOU think… but since you are saying so many stupid things and above all, since I don’t think you thought of them… Don’t listen to anyone who puts these ideas into your head… Get your nice degree, then you’ll do what you want… You only have five exams left… You’re so young…”

The matter ended more or less there. The following days, Anna, who hadn’t liked the conversation at all, found herself carefully observing her girlfriend. She saw her as serious, thoughtful, sad, and this was cause for concern.

About two months later, still the eldest, turned to her and said: “You know, Ciro would like to start his own business.” “If he is convinced of what he is doing…” “The fact is that it takes a lot of money…” “If someone wants to start a business, it is obvious that he has to invest some money…” “The fact is that Ciro doesn’t have the money …” “So? How does he plan to start? He must have a fund, even a minimal one… unless he wants to start with debts… but I wouldn’t recommend it to him. He’s got his job… he can wait… what’s the rush?” “He says he no longer feels comfortable at work and that he’s always wanted something of his own…” “ He can try to look around for something else…” “Eh, but now he’s only thinking about that, he’s so nervous… he would like it so much …” “My darling, I too would like many things… but one has to deal with what one has in one’s pocket…”

Anna didn’t like also this conversation with her daughter. The next few days she saw her grumpy, as if she were angry with her. She disliked the girl’s completely unusual attitude and she didn’t know what to do to reassure her. Sometimes she even seemed to see her with red eyes as if she had been crying but as soon as her mother tried to approach her, she slipped into her room and closed her door as if to make her understand that she wanted to be left in peace.

Some time passed. One Sunday morning the girl entered the kitchen. It was early. Anna, used to getting up at dawn, couldn’t stay in bed even when she could have rested but her daughters took advantage of the weekends to laze around as much as possible. She was therefore amazed to see her up so soon. “Hey… Did you fall out of bed? Do you have to go somewhere?” “I woke up… I wanted to help you…” “Do what? It’s enough for me that you keep your rooms and your things tidy… If I needed you, I’d tell you. Go back to sleep, tomorrow we’ll start again. Take advantage of it while you’re young…” The girl sat down, then she stood up and wandered aimlessly around the kitchen. “What’s happening?” Anna understood that she wanted to tell her something. “Nothing, what has to happen?” “Everything OK? How’s your boyfriend doing?” “Well.” Anna clearly felt that something was wrong. She sat up and looked straight into her eyes. “Sure? Come on… what is it?” The girl, sitting near the window, burst into tears. “Now what do you want to make me worry about? Come on, calm down and tell me what’s happening to you. Everything can be resolved…” She had left her boyfriend. “Damn, that’s not to minimize it… but… I thought, who knows, what had happened to you… If I have to tell you the truth, I’m almost happy about it… don’t be offended… but, I’ve never liked him…” The girl had stopped crying . Silent, with a sad look she looked at her mother. “Of course, I would have preferred if you had confided in me but there’s no point in complaining. Now don’t be sad, no one died… far from it… and… what did he say?” “I do not know.” “Why? How do you not know! Didn’t you tell him?” “Yes, I told him.” “You said before that you didn’t know… you’re making a big mess… please be honest and tell me what happened. In fact, let’s have breakfast now, calm down, then tell me everything, okay?” Her daughter lowered her head and nodded.

Like a river in flood the girl confided to her that a few months earlier he had asked her to get married. “Even if I didn’t like him, it doesn’t seem to me that someone would break up for a marriage proposal…” The girl was attending university, she had a few exams left for her degree and she had told him that she preferred to finish her studies first. “Well, I understood it from your talk that evening… Even in this case, however, I don’t see the point in breaking off an engagement…” He then proposed that she stop studying and, if anything, complete it once married. “I imagined it! Well, I say that if one stops, then he doesn’t accomplish anything at all… imagine… and then?” The girl continued by saying that, in fact, she did not agree, she wanted to take her qualification and had explained her reasons to him. He had changed since then. He reproached her for not wanting to marry him because he was poor, something that really no one had ever objected to. For a month now he had started telling her that he intended to open his own business and that he was doing it for her, until he had clearly proposed asking her mother for money to set up a self-employment. “Even if you didn’t have the courage to do it and I never talked to you about it, I had also imagined this…” When his girlfriend responded in the negative, he flew into a rage and they had a big fight after which, she, disappointed, had told him that perhaps it was better if they had gone away for a certain period. Since then, two months had passed during which Anna, worried about her daughter, had not even noticed the young man’s absence. In that period she had been very busy: her sister had had a small surgery and she had first cared for her in the hospital and then, once discharged, in her home. He never showed up again, he never called her again again until the evening before when he sent her a video. “A video? So? What if he sent you a video? With these cell phones you are always sending each other these videos…” Without saying a word, her daughter took her cell phone out of the pocket of her dressing gown, turned it on and handed it to her mother.

If they had stabbed her in the middle of her chest, Anna was sure that not a drop of blood would have come out of her, so chilled was she. Luckily she had a chair behind her… she collapsed onto it without any strength. The little girl, her little girl in a hard video! “How could that happen?” “I do not know.” The daughter replied in a small voice. Anna was shocked. “How could you?” “Mom, we were engaged… all my friends have sexual intercourses, all of them, believe me. I was the only one who remained a virgin until I was twenty! I had become the laughing stock of the company. Everyone took me around!” Now Anna was furious: how had that slimy worm dared to make a video! Had she had him in her hands she would have killed him, she was sure of it. “And what does he want now? What does all this mean?” “I don’t know, mom. I guess he wants money. What’s the point otherwise?” “Money? What money? What does he know if we have money or not?” “He knows, mom, he knows, he knew the children of my father’s partner, it’s one of them who must have said something to him!” “Damned, damned! They will pay for it! I swear they will pay for this! I don’t know how but they will pay for it!” The girl was crying desperately. “Now, don’t cry,  nobody’s dead. Who knows about this story?” “No one mom, you and me… and my sister…” “And now what does your sister have to do with it?” “She saw me crying last night. She didn’t see the video, I didn’t show it to her… but I told her everything. She said she would strangle him with her own hands! “We need to tell her to shut up instead. With anyone. Now let’s reflect on it and you will see that a solution will be found. Meanwhile, the rotter will get a good complaint…” The girl jumped up. “No, mom. No, I beg you. I don’t want this story to be known around. I’m sure he would have time to spread that rubbish to all his friends… the whole country would see… would know…”

She felt sorry for her, she was transformed by the sorrow. She would study what to do. They had to act, and quickly. She thought about it all day. In the end she decided: she and her daughter, without warning him, would go to his house. Anna would have offered him a deal.

That same evening, she entered her room and took a wad of banknotes that she had withdrawn in the afternoon and other cash that she always kept at home just in case. She stuffed everything in her pocket. Before she went out, a sudden thought came to her: she opened the wardrobe, and taking the bottle of holy water out of her bag, she put it in the other pocket of her jacket. “Bad”, he certainly was… The youngest daughter had been invited to dinner by her sister and she would also have stayed to sleep because the next morning she would not have gone to school since there would be an assembly classy.

They left the house late. He lived at the end of a blind alley in the historic center of the village. Anna was very careful to avoid all main roads. She knew all the streets and alleys of the town very well and she knew how to get, unseen, to the house of that disgusting worm.

A very light knock on the door. Anna didn’t ring the bell. He came to open the door himself. “Good evening.” “Good evening ladies…” he was amazed. “To what do I owe the honor?” “Aren’t you inviting us in?” He stepped aside to let them inside, then closed the door and preceded them to the kitchen where he gestured for them to sit down. “So, what do I owe this visit to?” “I think you know better than us.” The woman wanted to jump on him. They looked at each other darkly. Perhaps for the first time he looked at her face. He had a challenging, evil look. Anna threw her daughter’s cell phone, that she had been holding since the morning, onto the table. “What does this mean…? A gesture of a great gentleman eh!” “I am not a gentleman.” “I’ve known this for a while, it was this idiot that didn’t know… What do you want? Why does this filth exist?” “The young lady left me.” “So? She will finally have seen what kind of scoundrel you are… What do you want? Look at the exit from here I go straight to the police station… just to let you know it.” She reached into her pocket and took out the stack of bills. “Here you go… so you can start your new job…” He remained silent. He looked greedily at the money without knowing what to do. “Who saw this video?” “Nobody. I only sent it to her.” He said nodding at his ex-girlfriend. Anna took her daughter’s cell phone from the table and put it in her pocket. “Put your phone on the table, give me a glass of water first, please.” He took a half-liter bottle of mineral water and three plastic glasses. “Put your cell phone here, on the table. Here, in front of me.” “I have it in my jacket pocket in my room.” He stood up. “Wait. Go too, I don’t trust this coward. Make sure he doesn’t do something before giving it to us.” Her daughter got up to go with the boy towards his bedroom. Anna, without even knowing the reason, quickly took the small bottle of the holy water and poured three drops of the contents into one of the glasses, the one she would bring to him. She was just in time: the two, her daughter in front and he behind her were already back. Anna made the gesture to her daughter to sit in the place where she was before and, while he too was taking a seat, she immediately poured the water into the young man’s glass, then into that of her daughter, to whom she handed it, and finally filled hers.

The boy drank down almost everything in one gulp. “I needed it… I was getting thirsty…” he said as if to justify his rudeness in not making him wait even a moment to drink with his guests. He remained silent for five minutes, then, under Anna’s watchful gaze, he placed his cell phone next to the money that was always on the table. At a certain moment, he started to get up from the chair but he sat down again, it seemed that he wanted to say something. He had a strange look. He tried to get up again and, without saying a word, fell to the ground. The girl’s eyes widened and she was about to scream. Anna squeezed her arm tightly and signaled her to be quiet. “Shut up, shut up! Don’t open your mouth! Don’t say a word! Did you touch anything in his bedroom?” The girl shook her head no. Anna took the bottle, the glasses, his cell phone and her money. She stuffed everything into the large bag she had brought, pulled their two chairs close to the table with her legs without touching anything and left the house in silence. She approached the front door, covering her hand with the border of her jacket and in the pitch darkness they quickly entered the deserted alleys from which they had come. Away from the house, Anna took the boy’s cell phone out of her bag and, after smashing it under her feet, threw it into a drain grate not without first deleting the video of her daughter. They returned to the house just in time, a few moments later a violent storm broke out.

Luigi Fondi,  Il ratto di Europa (anno 2013)

As soon as she arrived, Anna also deleted the video from her girl’s phone, had the phone cleaned and gave it back to her, she took it without saying a word. “Nothing happened. Understood? Nothing happened. He must have had an illness. He will recover. Silence! With everyone! Not a word! Even with your sister!” “What if he were to die?” “Don’t worry. Bad weed never dies! And then, it wouldn’t be our fault, we just happened to be there. What if we hadn’t gone?” That night they slept together. The thin body of her daughter huddled close to her for protection. The following morning, to be sure of finding her at home, her sister had called her early telling her that, since she would otherwise be left alone at home all day, her little girl would stay with her until they returned in the evening. Anna, who got up early, as she usually did, also woke up her daughter: “Come on, come on, if you don’t hurry you’ll miss the bus and the train too.” “Ah mummy, but I don’t have class today. I mean, I might have lessons, but I can study very well from home.” “It’s better if you go… if you have time, take a walk around Rome and also do me a favor: I’m almost out of my moisturizer cream… I can’t find the one I use here.” She placed one hundred Euros and a slip, cut out of the box to remind her of the brand, on top of the bag that the girl kept resting on a small armchair between the bed and the large window overlooking the balcony and where she also placed the clothes that she took off in the evening to sleep. . “One hundred Euros? But how much is it?” “It should cost around forty-five Euros, if it hasn’t increased… buy something for yourself with the rest.” She took a few more small bills out of her wallet. “Take a little gift for your sister too. Don’t lose the money and don’t buy useless things…” Anna went to work regularly and the girl, with the money in the inside pocket of her jacket, for fear of having it stolen, took the bus and then the train.

They found him after two days. The company where he worked, after the second day of absence from work and repeated attempts to make contact by telephone, had called the police who, once inside, had confirmed his death. Heart attack? Stroke?

Those days it had rained heavily and people hadn’t left their homes much. The boy had few friends and he was not originally from the town so many people didn’t even know about his death. There were rumors of a probable autopsy, a more than obvious hypothesis given the sudden death and the young age of the deceased, then, after the family itself had reported some pathologies from which the boy was suffering, even though he was in his prime, the authorities gave permission to celebrate his funeral which took place in his town of origin. Anna, alone, without her daughters, attended his funeral. The family, respecting the wishes expressed by the young man when he was still alive, had him cremated. During the days that followed, someone asked Anna: “But wasn’t that boy who died engaged to your daughter? Who knows what a sadness!” “Of course I was sorry… very much… such a young boy… But they were no longer engaged… they broke up a long time ago…” she replied to everyone like this, as if to make it clear that a lot of time had passed.

“What did happen to him Mum?” “And what do I know? A stroke… of wickedness.” Her little girl had been struck by the sudden death of her sister’s ex-boyfriend, but she was not satisfied with it: she said that she would have preferred to kill him, with her own hands, that coward. “Stop talking about it, it’s not worth it.” None of them mentioned him or what had happened to him again.

One Thursday afternoon Anna went to the cemetery again, on Sunday she wouldn’t go, she wanted to go out with her sister. Her husband’s grave no longer had the vase with fresh flowers but an arrangement of fake flowers, beautiful but fake. Even from the picture on the tombstone he seemed to look at her gloomy. Anna stopped for just a few moments then continued towards her parents’ graves.

“Hi, I always find you here!” Anna greeted Mariangela’s daughter sitting on a small plastic stool in front of her mother’s grave. “You should be walking with your friends, or with your boyfriend… not in the cemetery…” The girl shrugged. “I have neither friends nor boyfriend. I’m going home now anyway. Do you want a ride?” Anna had purposely not gone with her car because she wanted to take a walk on foot, but she accepted the girl’s invitation, it seemed rude to her to refuse. It was Mariangela’s car, the same one in which the woman had driven her home on that distant rainy day. “Do you live alone?” “And with who if not?” She had asked her the question just to talk, it was obvious that she lived alone: her parents were both dead, she had no brothers or sisters and she was neither married nor engaged. Once they reached the house, Anna invited her to come upstairs. “Come on, let’s make some coffee.” “It will be for another time… thanks.” “And when?” “Do you have any commitments? Are you in a hurry?” “No, I’m not busy or in a hurry.” “So what? Come on, I’m pleased… ”The girl parked the car, pulling it near the kerb, then she got out and closed it while Anna waited for her to get in together.

Sitting facing each other, Anna observed her. She was a beautiful girl, perhaps too thin and, although she did not resemble her mother, she had inherited the same particular charm. Anna prepared the coffee but the girl didn’t want any, saying that, not being used to it, she would stay up all night. Instead she accepted a thin slice of dessert and a fruit juice. “Umm, that’s good! My mother also made some desserts every now and then… I’m not able to make cakes… maybe I should learn…” “What do you do all day?” “I study. After my mother’s death I resumed my university studies. It was hard… but I promised her…” “What faculty?” “Pharmaceutical chemistry. I have three exams left to defend my thesis. I think, or rather, I hope, to do it within this year.” “But how good! Compliments!” “Well, I have not finished yet… let’s wait to celebrate…” “And after?” “I do not know. Some pharmaceutical companies have already contacted me through the university… but now, before making any decisions, I want to finish. During this time, I collaborate with my professor in the faculty laboratory. It’s an activity that I’m passionate about and that I like very much, it may even be that once I graduate I will dedicate myself to research…” “You’re a good girl. Your mother would be proud of you.” The girl didn’t answer. She stood up. “Maybe it’s time for me to go… thanks for everything.” “But thanks for what? Thanks to you for keeping me company… I was really pleased to have a chat.”

Why had she invited her? Maybe she felt guilty for not having accepted from her mother the little friendship that she had been offered? It wouldn’t have cost her anything to accept her friend request, call her, go out sometimes in her company… What had stopped her? What had she been afraid of? Was it the fear of the village chatter, of some gossip who, seeing them together, would think of her what they thought of Mariangela?

Luigi Fondi, Interno con famiglia di commedianti (anno 2020-2021)

The days passed one after the other: between home and work. Always the same commitments, the usual routine.

One Thursday afternoon she decided that she would go to the cemetery. She hadn’t been there for three, maybe four weeks. Even her parents had ended up with beautiful arrangements of ‘fake’ flowers that did not require special and constant care and would have saved her from the weekly commitment.

The cat seemed to be waiting for her. “Next time I’ll bring him something…” she thought while, as always, it rubbed against her legs. She bent down to pet it but the little animal scurried away quickly. “It’s a cat, an independent animal…” she thought. She found it again in front of her parents’ graves and saw it again in front of her husband’s, both times as if it was waiting for her. “Then they say that beasts don’t understand…” she found herself saying in a low voice. The cat looked at her, or rather it seemed to be staring at her with a strange, almost magnetic gaze. Then, without her realizing it, it was gone. “Who knows whose it is? Maybe it belongs to someone who lives near the cemetery… it seems to move at ease among the tombs.” There were very few people at the cemetery, almost all women. She was quite surprised when she heard a man’s voice: “Your husband?” She turned around. He was a gentleman in his fifties, a handsome man with still dark hair, only the incipient gray hair was visible on his temples. “Yeah… my husband.” He stared at her, she couldn’t tell if she was flattered or annoyed by those domineering eyes. “A young man…”. She realized that he was talking about her husband. “A heart attack…”. He continued to stare at her insistently and she began to feel uncomfortable also because she realized how close he had gotten to her. She had the strange sensation that he wanted to tell her something and that, in some way, wanted to stop her from moving. “Excuse me… I have to go… good evening.” The man gave a slight bow and immediately stepped aside to let her pass. Anna felt relieved as she hurried out of the sacred place. Once in the car, she automatically, without even thinking about it, activated the safety locks as if to protect herself from something… or someone… and she drove off.

The following Sunday, although her sister had invited her to go out, she decided that she would spend the afternoon bustling about the house… she wanted to get ahead with her housework and cook something extra to eat during the week. She often did it so as not to always be in a rush: she cooked and froze to then defrost when necessary, especially at dinner when all three of them were at home and she sometimes didn’t feel like starting to be busy in the kitchen. She preferred to spend a few more minutes with her daughters than with casseroles. The ringing of the doorbell took her by surprise: she really wasn’t in any condition to receive guests. She immediately recognized the voice of Mariangela’s daughter. “Hello Anna, I was passing by… I just wanted to say hello…” She was quite surprised, those times that she had spoken to her, the girl had seemed quite shy and reserved. She invited her to come up. She didn’t expect visitors. She received her in overalls, with a band on her head to collect her hair, some clothes and various detergents, with which she was cleaning, scattered around the house. In the kitchen the stoves were all on, including the oven where she was browning a tasty leg of lamb with potatoes that they would have for dinner. “Mmmmh, what a good smell!” “Roast lamb, the only day I can cook it is Sunday… it takes time… but it’s very good… do you like it? Do you want to stop? There’s enough for everyone… don’t give compliments… come on, let’s spend some time in our company…” The girl scoffed but when Anna insisted on repeating the offer, she thanked her and accepted.

The girls were happy to have a guest. They already knew the young woman by sight, but they had never exchanged a word. They discovered to have many interests in common, but above all they found a person, only a few years older than them, very mature and responsible. The eldest was a little ashamed inside herself: she realized how lucky they were to have their mother at home and how sometimes, even though they loved her very much, they shamelessly took undue advantage of her. They stopped to talk calmly, a pleasant evening between women, even more beautiful because it was unexpected. “I have to go.” The girl got up and approached the door to go out. “Come back to visit us… whenever you want… we’ll be happy… seeing how well we had a good time?” The girl nodded and smiled. Anna’s daughters, after saying goodbye to her, had retired to their rooms. “Do you still have mum’s holy water?” “Yes, certainly. I keep it in a bag that I rarely use, only on Sundays or when I have to go somewhere… you know, it’s not like I have many “good” bags…” “Have you ever used it?” Anna had understood but pretended to have misunderstood: “Of course, when I went with my sister and my brother-in-law for a little Sunday trip…” “I meant the holy water…” Without knowing the reason, Anna replied no: “And what should I bless, my dear? I keep it as a memory of your mother… she was so kind to remember me… in fact I was wondering: who knows what pilgrimage she brought it from… ”. The girl did not answer, she said goodbye again, went to the door and disappeared down the stairs.

Anna thought for a long time about the few sentences exchanged on the doorstep. Why was Mariangela’s daughter interested in the holy water that her mother had wanted to give her? What did she mean “Have you ever used it?”. She took her purse out of the closet and took out the envelope. She looked for the two cards, the one with the recommendation for use and the other with the list of names. She looked at them slowly, one by one trying to imprint them in her mind, then she folded the two pieces of paper and put them back in the bag with the vial, then inside the bag which she placed exactly where she had taken it.

Some time passed. Home, work, work, home. One morning, walking out the door, she found herself face to face with a woman. She struggled to recognize the mother of her daughter’s ex-boyfriend whom she had only seen at the boy’s funeral.

“Goodmorning how are you?” was her greeting to the lady’s gaze. “It’s bad for me… I hope for you too…”. She was shocked. “Sorry, I don’t understand…” “It’s bad for me… I hope for you too…” she repeated. Anna didn’t say a word, she walked away without looking at her anymore. Meanwhile she, with her hand in her pocket, made spells.

She didn’t see her for many days. One morning when it was raining heavily, she met her again outside the house. She was without an umbrella, soaking wet from head to toe and she looked at her as if challenging her. Anna stopped. She felt sorry for that woman, but she absolutely had to clarify. “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t understand your resentment… you can’t be mad at me for the disappearance of your son… I understand your pain, but I don’t see the reason for your hostile attitude towards me… the boys had already broken up when happened… I didn’t even know it… why do you seem to be mad at me?” The woman didn’t answer her. She stared at her as if in a trance. Anna approached her slowly, covered her with the umbrella, delicately took her arm: “Come inside… don’t stay under this deluge…” The girls, who had left to go to school, were not at home. Anna handed the woman a chair and immediately afterwards she called the office to ask if she could come in later. When she turned around she saw the woman, with her hands in front of her face covering her face… she was crying. Anna let her vent, then she went to her room and came back with a complete change. “Put on something dry, otherwise you’ll get sick… in the meantime I’ll try to dry your clothes.” She led the way to the toilet, put the dry clothes in her hands, she closed the door and went into the kitchen to make her a coffee.

She saw her in front of her who looked like a different person. “Thank you… forgive me… forgive me…” “Come on, nothing happened. Are you calmer? Have you calmed down? “She told me that it was you who killed him… I lost my mind… I would have killed you… I wanted to kill you…” now she was calling her familiar. From the pile of wet clothes in her arms she pulled out a sharp knife, a butcher’s knife. Anna instinctively stepped back, her back was against the wall. “If you are convinced of what I don’t know who told you, do it, here I am… I’m here. But I repeat that I had nothing to do with the death of your son. I’m sorry, I’m a mother… I understand your grief… but what have I to do with it? What do we have to do with it? Who could have said such a horrible thing to you?” She approached her very slowly, took the knife from her hand, threw it into the sink and hugged her tightly.

Her deceased husband’s partner. It was she who had insinuated the doubt of a murder, who had instilled in that mother’s heart the atrocious suspicion that her son had been murdered. And she had gone beyond, she had told her that, certainly, her partner, Anna’s ex-husband, had also been killed “in that widow’s house”.

Luigi Fondi, Interno con famiglia di commedianti (dettaglio)

Anna looked at her silently. She felt powerless. She listened to words come out of the woman’s mouth without hearing them. She saw everything swirling around her. She just wanted to regurgitate. She found herself lying on the bed. The terrible stench of her vomit had saturated the air. “Please, open the window… I’m out of air…”. The woman was still there. She immediately opened the large French window that opened onto the balcony. She looked worried and sorry. “I didn’t want to… I’m sorry…”. She realized she had fainted. She stood up slowly. In the bathroom sink she saw the pile of the woman’s wet clothes from which the acrid smell of vomit rose, revoltingly. “I didn’t know what to do… I didn’t want to dirty your towels… I used my clothes… if I wash them and they’ll be cleaned, fine, if not I’ll throw them away… nothing of value… four rags… once I get home, these ones I’m wearing, I’ll send them to the laundry and then I’ll have them delivered to you…” She went back to addressing her formally. “You can keep them… if you want. Keep them.” Anna went back into the room and sat up in bed. “I can’t believe it… I can’t believe it…” “Don’t worry, lady, don’t worry… I don’t believe it either… but you know… a son… a son… please, don’t worry, I know that no one is to blame… the autopsy has confirmed that my son had a serious heart problem and that that was the cause of his death… you know, it’s difficult to accept the death of a child… let alone if someone insinuates some doubts in you…”. They said goodbye at the door of the house. The woman with a plastic shopping bag where she had stuffed the wet clothes full of Anna’s vomit. “I’ll take care of them, I’ll take care of them…” she kept repeating when Anna offered to take care of her clothes. She watched her walk away slowly with her bag dangling and the handles knotted in an attempt to contain the stench of her vomit inside. It had stopped raining but a thick fog had risen. With her clothes on her, she seemed to see herself in her figure walking away towards who knows where, in the mist barely lit by the street lamps still lit. She felt very sorry. Back in the house, she noticed the knife left in the sink. The woman had forgotten to take it. She could have killed her. She could have done it when she was passed out. She took it in her hand, looked at it carefully, turned it against herself as if to stick it into her chest, then put it back in the drawer of the kitchen table. She hadn’t exchanged the telephone number with the lady… would she have come back to get it? She said nothing about what happened to her daughters.

Once the first few days passed during which Anna always had the image of that woman with the knife in her hand before her eyes, her life took over again and, as a pragmatic woman as she was, she found herself immersed in daily activities .

The eldest daughter would be discussing her graduation thesis in a few days. All three would have gone to Rome where they would have had lunch in some restaurant and, returning home the following day, they would have celebrated with relatives and friends.

Everything was wonderful. Her daughter, her girl, had brilliantly defended her degree thesis: one hundred and ten cum laude! Kisses, hugs, greetings… they found themselves literally submerged by a wave of young, festive students. The three of them had lunch in a small but classy restaurant in the center of the city. The following day Anna found her house full of floral arrangements, plants, beautiful bouquets that had started arriving at eight in the morning and so on throughout all the day: flowers in the entrance, flowers in the living room, in the kitchen, in the two daughters’ bedrooms, in hers… even in the bathroom… Everyone, friends and acquaintances, had wanted to pay homage to her daughter with a delicate thought. Once they ran out of glass and ceramic vases, they even used plastic buckets and basins, and in the end, even a couple of pots. Among all, the one that struck her most was a marvelous bouquet of at least one hundred pale pink rose buds which, someone present in the house, told her had not been delivered by any of the town’s florists but by a deliveryman who came from outside and to whom, believing that, like all the others, the gift was accompanied by a congratulatory card, had not been asked for information on the sender. No card accompanied the wonderful gift. “Who sent them?” “It must have been this one or the other one…” In the end all the suppositions turned out to be wrong because, at the end of the day, it was clear that all the hypothesized people had indeed sent bouquets of flowers and so on, but each of them was accompanied by a greeting card and congratulations, indeed, someone, more scrupulous, had even telephoned to make sure that his gift had been duly delivered.

After a few months, Mariangela’s daughter also graduated. She was surprised when the girl called to invite her to attend the defense of her thesis. “Please, come… I would be very pleased… even the girls, don’t forget…” Please… I have no one… if you don’t come…” she had insisted as soon as she had perceived a small hesitation in her voice. In the end they all went in her car: four women. The day passed peacefully. Anna, who had wanted at all costs to offer lunch in a restaurant, was really happy that Mariangela’s daughter had also graduated… who knows how happy her parents would have been if they had been alive! She had lost a few years, but in the end she had achieved an excellent result. The girl had scoffed when they complimented her, she was very shy and didn’t like being the center of attention even though Anna was sure she was proud of the success, sought with tenacity and stubbornness, which had come to crown her efforts. In the restaurant, when they realized that a graduation was being celebrated, everyone, from the diners, to the waiters, to the owner, wanted to compliment her. They had mistaken them for a mother with her three daughters, someone, in the mood for compliments, had even ventured that they were four sisters… At the end of the meal, Anna had a couple of bottles of sparkling wine brought and, having invited those present, they all toasted cheerfully, including cooks.

Luigi Fondi, Clima elettorale (anno 2007)

“What a beautiful day!” ” Really beautiful, my dear!” “We had a great time! What would I have done if you hadn’t come… alone… Thank you, thank you for everything…” “But thank you for what? We were really pleased… a beautiful day… carefree… only women… and what women!” Anna was happy… she really thought that those three girls were worth a lot: beautiful, intelligent, educated, good, young… who could ask for more from life?

She found him in front of her one morning as she left the house. She was in a hurry to catch the bus because she had taken her car to the mechanic. She was walking fast and with her head down and she almost ran into him because the man was also completely absorbed, looking at something on his cell phone. He looked like a familiar face to her but she couldn’t remember where or when she had met him. He, however, immediately clarified: “Good morning ma’am… at the cemetery… do you remember?” No, she didn’t remember, a person seen once, maybe five minutes… Thus began a very mild acquaintance, if they saw each other, they greeted each other, had a chat, at most they went for a coffee together. All this gave Anna a strange feeling: a polite and kind gentleman, but, without being able to say the reason, she always had the impression that their casual encounters, in the end, weren’t really so casual. Yet she could not have objected to the fact that the man never insisted on seeing her again, or on keeping her, or even that he had ever tried to court her. A friendship? Not even. In fact, she didn’t even know exactly what job he did or where he lived… She wasn’t used to asking questions, she believed that people should decide, without being asked, if, what and when, to tell about themselves and their life.

She was surprised when, one morning, having gone to the capital of the province for some very boring bureaucratic matters, she saw him along the main street of the city: Mariangela’s daughter was next to him. They walked in front of her, they seemed cheerful, above all they seemed to have known each other for a long time… a couple. Among the numerous people along the street, he had attracted her attention for a pair of dark ocher trousers that she had seen on him a few days before and which had surprised her a little both for the color and for the style, very youthful, more suitable for a boy than for a man of his age. He wore them under a nice white linen shirt, to which he had rolled up the sleeves. The girl was wearing a long, very beautiful floral dress and wore her hair gathered in a sort of soft bun, deliberately slightly disheveled. She was a refined girl, tall and thin and that dress and elegant hairstyle made her even more beautiful. They did not notice Anna’s presence and, at this point, she did everything she could to avoid being noticed by hiding among the people crowding the street. Resisting the temptation to follow them, the woman concentrated on the reason for her morning in the city and took care of all her affairs.

“I haven’t seen you again… are you okay?” Mariangela’s daughter turned round abruptly. She stood absorbed in front of her mother’s tombstone. She had not renewed the withered flowers, she had not even changed the greenish putrid water in the glass vase. “Yes, thanks, everything is fine… I’ve been a bit busy… what about you?” “We too, everything is fine. Come and visit us whenever you want…” “Of course, thanks.” Anna was a little surprised, the girl seemed rather strange, cold, different… “Are you working? What are you doing? I’m really curious…” “Working? Yes and no. Something not defined and not definitive… later I will explain you… ” Anna didn’t insist further, she understood that the young woman didn’t want to talk. She said goodbye to her and left the cemetery. More than about work, she would have liked to ask her something about her private life, seeing her in the company of that person had aroused in her a desire to know that usually didn’t belong to her…

When she saw him again, after about a week, Anna had a very hard time pretending. She had decided that she would not tell either him or the girl that she had seen them together, she would wait…

The man was courteous, as always, and they walked a short distance together to the large car park where she had parked her car in the morning. When she was about to get in, she had the impression that he wanted to say something to her… that he wanted to detain her… he had approached her… but then, he had taken two steps away, had waited for her to get into the driving seat, then, after greeting her, he had turned abruptly and walked away without looking back. What had they talked about during the very short way? She struggled to remember the four banal and impersonal things they had said to each other. What did he want from her? What was he looking for? Who was he? Should she have investigated? Who and what to ask? Inwardly, she was afraid that even a single comma of her life could change for any reason… she was fine as she was, she had two wonderful daughters, a good job, a house, a reassuring economic situation… what need did she have to ask, to know? To get to what? In fact, she thought it would be best to avoid those encounters that she had not encouraged in any way but which were becoming a habit and instead the next day she found him standing outside a supermarket. He was wearing a very elegant blue suit and was holding a tan leather briefcase by the handles. They said goodbye then she told him that she was in a hurry to get home, she apologized and quickly walked towards the car parked in the large square in front of the store.

Luigi Fondi, Allo specchio (anno 2007)

A month or so had passed when Mariangela’s daughter called her: “How are you? We never saw each other again… not even at the cemetery…” It was true. Anna had deliberately changed the time of her visits to the deceased, she was going through a period… she didn’t want to meet anyone. “Eh… you know how it is… always something to do… Are you okay? Everything OK?” She didn’t like that okay that she had noticed herself using for some time and she didn’t know why she said it but then she started to smile thinking about the irrelevance of the problem. The girl on the phone seemed cheerful… “Why don’t we meet here at my place, one of these evenings? The four of us…” Anna tried to make some excuse. She didn’t know why but she didn’t want to go. In the end, no longer knowing how to respond to the girl’s insistence, she accepted and they agreed on Saturday. Who knows why she expected to meet him that evening at Mariangela’s daughter’s house. Instead it was really just the four of them. Anna, generous in character, had brought all sorts of good things. They spent a carefree evening. “I saw you some time ago… in the town… on the street…”. After dinner they sat down on the soft sofas in the living room. “And why didn’t you call me?” “I was a little distant… and then you were in company…” “Me? Together? Didn’t you mistake me for someone else?” “No, no… I’m sure… you were wearing a nice long dress and had your hair pulled back in a bun that I’ve never seen on you before… but it was you… you were with a gentleman, not young, youthful… a handsome man, in ocher trousers, who I thought I saw again somewhere…” Why had she been vague? Why hadn’t she made it clear that she knew and recognized him too? “I don’t know… but how long ago?” “A month and a half? Two?” “Ah… the chemistry teacher… he’s the one who recently bought a pair of trousers of that awful colour… but, if I remember correctly, he told me that you know each other… ” ” Do we know?… Nooo… Your chemistry teacher? I met him by chance a few times… while I was going to the car park… I didn’t even know what job he did… it takes a lot to say that I know a person… in fact, that day, I didn’t even recognize him…” Why did she continue to lie? “So are you engaged?” “Fiancée? For taking us for a walk along the main street? We’re not in the nineteenth century! It’s someone I know… and with whom I took a walk… that’s all…” “Sorry, you’re right… I asked a… stupid question…” The girl had darkened a little, the cheerful tone of the evening had faded, she seemed irritated. “Let’s not exaggerate! Come on, you won’t be offended! Sorry… again… I really… didn’t think… I didn’t want to…” Anna’s daughters listened in silence. At a certain point, they all stood up, almost in unison. They greeted each other with a hint of embarrassment.

The news reached her, by chance, in the supermarket while she was waiting to be served: Mariangela’s daughter was pregnant! The two gossipers from whom she learned the news, with a falsely sympathetic air, certainly did not miss the opportunity to reiterate that the girl was not married… “Engaged?” “Boh… no one knows anything… no one has ever seen her with anyone…” Anna had turned around and this was enough to silence them. But that chatter had been running through her head all day. What to do? To phone? After the last time, they hadn’t heard from each other again. All in all, Anna was displeased by the girl’s offended tone for a sincere question, asked without any intention… she decided that she would wait.

She saw him again one Wednesday. He was in the company of another man. Among them, a six or seven year old girl. The little girl wore a little white dress in Sangallo lace that reached her ankles. On her feet she wore two pretty golden sandals. She didn’t see her face because all three were with their backs to her. The beautiful French braid that reached from the center of her head to her mid-shoulders implied the care of a very attentive mother.

He didn’t notice her, who remained behind them, deliberately out of the way, stopping when they, who were in front of her, stopped, pulled by the little girl, to observe some shop windows. She noticed that the little girl was particularly attracted to clothing or shoe shops… a little woman… Eventually she saw them enter a small shoe shop. She took the opportunity to immediately lengthen her pace and, covered by the people crowding the street, she quickly passed the shop door and entered a side street from which she would have anyway reached, through a cross street, the office where she was. headed. She forced herself to resist the urge to turn around. “Anna, don’t be like Lot’s wife…” she said to herself, as if her turning around could transform her into a pillar of salt like the biblical wife of the patriarch…

He was married. And he had two daughters, the eldest was ten years old and the youngest, who was the one she had seen, just six years old. His wife, a young and very beautiful woman, was the only daughter of one of the most prestigious families in the city: her father, a famous surgeon and head of a large hospital, her mother, a teacher. He, who occupied the chair of chemistry in a scientific high school, had, by all accounts, been greatly advantaged by the fact of having, thanks to his wife, a prestigious family relationship. Surely the chatter of someone who hadn’t managed to get that position… Anna had learned everything from a colleague who one morning had asked her if, given that she was from the same town, she knew Mariangela’s daughter. After making sure that they were not related, like a river in flood, she reeled off, one after the other, all the indiscretions about the two, but especially about the man. Thus she discovered, out of the blue, and without having asked anything, that he came from a region of southern Italy, that he had married his girlfriend after having made her pregnant, that her family, although not approving, in the end, after the union between the two had been regularized, had helped him enter the world of school. Above all, she learned that the man was a real Don Juan and that, although he really lacked nothing: a beautiful family and an enviable social position, he had no qualms about courting other women, in particular his propensity towards young students like the last one, a former student of his, who he had even gotten pregnant. How did her colleague know Mariangela’s daughter? Why all that news? Finally Anna understood: her colleague had for a long time been the lover of the man that she had met as her daughter’s teacher. The woman, who had felt betrayed, was reacting like and worse than a jealous wife. Having learned of the girl’s pregnancy, she spewed out all the hatred and anger that she couldn’t hold back without even realizing that, for those who were listening to her, it was easy to put two and two together and arrive at the conclusion that Anna had reached. Her colleague exposed what could only be mere gossip, in such a rancorous way that she didn’t realize she was talking too much, saying more than necessary, without any control, something that only those who had been in some way personally affected by the story would have done. “I don’t want to say anything… but… first the mother… then her daughter…”

Anna made no comment. Her colleague was beside herself and didn’t even know what she was saying… But what did that apparently kind and discreet man want from her? That Doctor Jeckyll and Mister Hyde with double identity? Maybe that was his approach tactic…

Luigi Fondi,  LA PITTURA e LA SCULTURA SI AMANO e per me sono una cosa sola (anno 2021)

The days passed quickly, Anna no longer saw either the man or the girl. “In the end, it’s for the best…” she thought to herself. Doing a sincere analysis on herself, she had to admit that that attitude of confidentiality and courtesy was slowly bringing her closer to that man who, without even realizing it, she had recently begun to look for as soon as she left work or went out from the supermarket or near her house. As far as the girl, she was sincerely fond of, was concerned, she was amazed and a little offended by her behavior, an unequivocal symptom of a clear lack of trust in her, but she resolved to stay in her and wait for the situation to develop.

In the end the whole city talked about the professor and his pregnant ex student, his wife’s family was too visible… let alone the gossip of the young woman’s village…

Anna found out about his divorce from some people in the greengrocer’s shop. Everyone was talking about it in the small town where he had come to live in the house of Mariangela’s daughter. Some time passed without her meeting either of them, even casually. Late one afternoon, returning home, she saw them sitting on a bench on the long tree-lined avenue that she walked along twice a day on her way to and from work. She immediately noticed a baby’s pram in front of them. She wanted to turn around and go along the provincial road but it was too late, she realized that they were watching her. She continued. Arriving next to them, she greeted them as if nothing had happened and she delicately bent towards the baby, a beautiful little boy with two wide-open cerulean eyes who was greedily sucking the pacifier he kept in his mouth, as if to draw sustenance from it. She jumped when she felt the cat rubbing against her ankles… “Pluto! Who’s back!” She bent down to pet it but it was quick to move away. “How old is the baby?” “Fifteen days.”. “God bless him, he’s such a beautiful boy…” She didn’t know what else to say… “And… you?” she said to the girl. “Everything OK? How are you?” “I’m managing… of course there’s a lot to do… but I’m managing…” He hadn’t opened his mouth. He hadn’t even looked at her face for a second. At a certain point, perhaps embarrassed, he had taken his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and seemed intent on looking at something. Anna said goodbye and continued on her way.

She heard the news of his wife’s suicide from her usual colleague. She had told her that the woman, in a state of deep depression following her divorce from her husband, had taken her own life. Anna was so shocked that she didn’t even have the courage to ask how the misfortune had happened. Later the same person told her that perhaps she had poisoned herself. An autopsy and numerous investigations followed to find out if there had been a material culprit. In the end it was the hypothesis of suicide, the most accredited one. They had found her alone, in her car, just outside the city, on the edge of a fir forest where during the summer people went to enjoy some fresh air in the shade of the large trees. The summer had passed and the place was no longer frequented. It was raining that day. No one had seen anything and there was no trace of other people at the site of the discovery which occurred accidentally by a motorist who had stopped for an urgent physiological need. Surely the poor woman, although certainly out of her mind, had not wanted to carry out the terrible act in her house, where her girls would certainly have been shocked. Subsequently, Anna also learnt of the useless battle, undertaken by the family of the deceased, for the two orphans to be entrusted to their grandparents: the judge decided that it would be the father who would take care of the little ones, who were legally handed over to him, the grandparents would be able to see them whenever they and the girls so wished. Although the ex-husband had said that his wife, while alive, had expressed the desire to be cremated in the event of her death, the parents objected so strongly that this time, in the absence of any writing attesting to the deceased’s wish, the judge did not grant permission for cremation and the young mother was buried in the town cemetery.

A couple of years passed. Mariangela’s daughter and her partner had married. All in all, Anna was happy with it. The girl would finally regularize her position. This time too, Anna found out the news from other people, the young girl hadn’t told her anything. She really hadn’t seen or heard from her since, along the town avenue, she stopped to say hello to them and to see the baby born a few days before. Her colleague had been temporarily transferred to another office and it had been a long time since they had seen each other.

Meanwhile, Anna’s eldest daughter had found a good job in a big city. The opportunity was unique and the girl, determined not to miss it, moved. It had been quite a busy time. Given the very expensive rent, Anna had decided to buy her an apartment in the beautiful neighborhood where the girl worked. All three of them suffered greatly from this separation, especially the girl who had moved away, but also she and her younger daughter who, despite apparently wanting to take on the world head on, in reality, proved to be very sensitive and fragile. She had cried a lot when her sister moved away. Sometimes Anna would hear her sobbing in her bedroom when she thought her mother didn’t hear her. She pretended to have a strength and courage that she didn’t yet have… she was still too young…

Anna discovered the anxiety of having a daughter far away. Her thoughts went to her, constantly. She couldn’t even cook anymore when she thought of her girlfriend alone and so distant from her loving care.

She was happy when, one evening, she told her that she had met the man of her life. She began to relax at the thought that there was someone close to her daughter, someone who loved her and wished a family with her. She wanted to meet him. They arrived together. Anna immediately understood that they were made for each other. They looked at each other with loving eyes and he paid a lot of attention to her. The boy had a good job and they had decided, right from the start, that they would get married as soon as possible.

Mariangela’s daughter and her husband certainly led a very private life. The girl’s villa where they lived was a little outside the village and it was obvious that, working in the city, they also paid all their necessary expenses there.

Late one afternoon, returning from work, she met him next to her car. “Good evening Anna… we haven’t seen each other again…” “It  seems obvious to me…” she replied, surprised and even a little sour. “Were you waiting for me?” she asked him formally. “No, I came to get my car…” “So what?…” “Nothing, I just wanted to say hello…” He also replied by returning formally. “Well, good evening…”. She saw him darken. “Sorry, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong… I don’t understand…” “That’s it… there’s nothing to understand and in fact I still haven’t understood what you want from me…” “I told you, just to say hello…” “Done. And now? What else?” “It’s been a long time… you didn’t want to understand… I thought you understood… my flowers…” “The flowers? What flowers?” “The ones I sent on graduation day…” Damn! She had thought of everyone except that a stranger, met once in the cemetery, could send a bouquet of flowers to her daughter on her graduation day. What did her daughter have to do with him now? “My daughter’s graduation? What does someone like you have to do with my daughter?” “Nothing, the flowers were for you Anna…” “Well, honestly you could have saved yourself the expense… I, honestly, didn’t even suspect that the flowers were addressed to me… let alone that a complete stranger had sent them… a rude person who didn’t have the courage to accompany them with a note… a presumptuous person who, for no reason, felt entitled to… I don’t know either… weren’t you married? And if you weren’t anymore, weren’t you already dating your current wife?” He turned around and from that day on she never saw him again.

Her youngest daughter, in the meantime, had come within a hair’s breadth of her dissertation. One late autumn afternoon, when she saw her return home, she immediately knew that something had happened to her. “They stole my bag…” she threw herself on the kitchen chair and began to cry. “When? Where? How?” She had assaulted her with a barrage of questions. “Before getting the station…” She looked at her, her jacket and trousers were dirty. “I fell to the ground…” “Are you in pain? What’s wrong with you? Does anything hurt? Let’s call the doctor?” “No, no… I hit my shoulder and my side, but nothing broken, just a bad scare… that one, yes…” “What did you keep in your bag? Money? Documents?” “No way! You’ve been telling me all my life not to keep valuable things in my bag and I, as I always do, had put everything, even the house key, in the shoulder bag that I keep hidden under my jacket… the rest… a small case of products for make-up, old and worthless, a packet of paper tissues and a sanitary napkin that I always keep for safety… in the bag there were only these things… ” “So what? So much for the thieves! Don’t cry, I’ll make you a chamomile tea, don’t worry… the bag… it has no value… they will be left like idiots…” “The fact is… Mom, don’t get angry… is that I took your bag… the good one that you keep in wardrobe and that you only use when you change… I swear mom, it was the first time… I don’t know what my brain told me this morning… maybe because the other girls always wear beautiful things… designer clothes… and I wanted to show them that I wasn’t poor… I took it like that, without even emptying it, because I saw that there was nothing special: a written piece of paper… a supermarket brochure from a year ago… a little green bag with a bottle of water… or was it a perfume sample? nothing of value… but the bag…” Anna was left speechless. Her bag, her bag with her holy water… “Have you reported it to the police?” “No ma… I would have missed the train… and then my friends told me that these things are the order of the day… that it could also be that if the thieves find some money, they will throw the empty bag somewhere around there… the money wasn’t there… but I’ll go back tomorrow anyway and look at it…” “Absolutely not! Even if you find it, you must not touch the bag… for any reason in the world… listen to me… don’t worry… but now let’s go to the police to report it.”

The policeman who opened the gate for them and welcomed them inside was very kind. He made it clear that they were right to report it, indeed, the girl should have done so immediately. He also said that it was almost impossible to get the bag back. “No, no, I’m not interested…” Anna immediately stated… “and then, even if it were, I wouldn’t want it anymore, figure out who handled it… we only reported it out of civic sense… the bag? Patience… especially since there was absolutely nothing of value inside… the thieves must have been disappointed… there was only a small bottle of holy water… even stale… a few years old… who knows, they might convert… those damned criminals …”

 Luigi Fondi, “Lucio, gatto nero nel Castello” 

A few days later the sensational news exploded like a bomb: the husband of Mariangela’s daughter had been arrested on suspicion of murder for his wife’s death. The two girls were immediately taken from him and placed in their maternal grandparents’ custody. What had happened? The parents of the young woman who appeared to have committed suicide following the separation from her husband, never convinced of the conclusions reached by the police, on the advice of their lawyer and, supported by a well-known television program searching for missing persons, had deepened those investigations which according to them had been carried out in a hasty and rather rough manner. At this point the trial had been reopened, a Pandora’s box had been opened and the sensational case of the chemistry professor, ex-husband of the poor deceased, had broken out, who, under the guise of school experiments, had come into possession of very dangerous toxic substances. which he kept well hidden in the changing room of the school where he taught and the presence of which had been detected, by a much more accurate autopsy carried out by experienced experts, on his poor wife’s body. How could the poor woman have known about this? Enter the school? Subtract lethal substances? Use them? Simple: the professor had killed her and had quietly remarried, confident that he had gotten away with it. After further, more careful investigations into his movements, it was eventually discovered that, knowing his ex-wife’s leaving times, after waiting for her, on purpose, with no one ever knowing what excuse, they had gone, each in their own car, on the spot where the dead young lady was later found. It was autumn and it was raining but the sirocco air was warm and he had offered her to drink a simple, innocent… deadly… bottle of water into which, with a syringe with an extremely thin needle, he had injected a very small dose of the powerful poison that had killed her, after which, taking the container that would have been proof of the crime, he left undisturbed while the pouring rain erased his footprints on the ground. Nobody had seen him, nobody could have accused him, he had foreseen everything in detail, even his current wife was amazed when the investigators reeled off all the charges one after the other, validated by incontrovertible facts and supported by timetables so precise as to form a mosaic as perfect as the crime committed but that, in the end… wasn’t so perfect. The only thing that had escaped him or that perhaps he had simply underestimated was the grief of two parents!

For the judges, Mariangela’s daughter did not appear to be involved. Anna was particularly shocked by the news. Doubts after doubts crowded in her mind… questions without answers… In her heart, she found herself thanking God and the thief. She didn’t even know why but something told her that she was lucky to have been robbed… At first she felt as if someone had lifted a weight from her soul, then, slowly, she felt pervaded by a lightness that, without having realized it, she hadn’t tried for a long time. She said to herself: “Save, you’re saved… you’re saved…”. The period that followed was peaceful,

“Never be too happy! Or at least, never show it! Surely there is an envious and very evil witch who, as soon as she notices it, blows things up, throws everything away and trouble immediately begins, otherwise how can this situation be explained?” Anna, a very skeptical person, was beginning to truly believe it. Suddenly, her youngest daughter felt ill. Urgently transported to hospital, she was immediately operated on. The problem seemed to be solved when the older girl had been in a car accident. Great fear, the rush towards the city where the girl lived, with anxiety preventing her even from breathing. Three months of hospitalization, one of which with a reserved prognosis and the car, her graduation gift, completely destroyed. Anna didn’t care about the economic damage, despite everything, she thanked God for how it had gone. Her girlfriend could have died and she was saved… At work she had asked for six months’ leave of absence which was granted to her. She stayed with her until she got out of the hospital, after which she took her home to convalesce… she wanted to have her close. Her boyfriend, who worked in the city, would be there waiting for her. In the meantime, although worried, she had left her youngest, who was going through the period during which young people feel autonomous and independent, at home alone to show her that she trusted her. “Who do you take me for? I can stay here alone very well, who touches me? I’m not scared…” She told her mother with a slightly swaggering air. Anna knew her so well that she was sure that she would immediately move in with her sister. She was so convinced of it that, unbeknownst to the girl, she had asked her for help, and her sister had promised her that she would supervise the situation about the girl and that she would constantly keep her informed of everything. In fact it had turned out that, that same day, at the thought of having to sleep alone in her apartment, the brave one, “the one who wasn’t afraid”, had immediately moved to her aunt’s house to be in her cousins’ company.

They had all returned home. In the evening they found themselves together in Anna’s bedroom, in the big double bed. “Yes, yes mum, we’re going straight to our rooms …That’s it … just one more minute…” eventually all three fell asleep, one in each other’s arms.

She met Mariangela’s daughter at the cemetery. She hadn’t seen her in a long time. They said goodbye. The grown-up cat seemed to observe both of them with its enigmatic gaze… Then, as if in unison, Anna and the young woman started to leave. The girl took the child who accompanied her by the hand and, after an invitation to get in that she was only waiting to be refused, she got into her car. Anna approached the slightly open window for a moment. Now Pluto was curled up in the back seat, motionless. It seemed fake… then, suddenly, standing up on its paws, its fur straight and its back arched, in an evil grin, it showed her its teeth while emitting a strange, threatening meow. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask you one thing: do you know which sanctuary your mother had taken the holy water from? You didn’t answer me last time…” The girl started the car and drove off. Through the back window, Anna saw only the hypnotic glint of the cat’s eyes staring at her as the car disappeared into the distance and she headed home.

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Voce narrante Giuliana Poleggi Quaranta 

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